Musings on Parenting

As today is the first day of school:

( I realize we are probably the last school district in the country to start school), I thought I'd celebrate with some wise offerings on parenting. These are random thoughts that I thought I could blog about, but they aren't important enough to have their own post. So sit back and prepare to be enlightened.

1. The 90% rule.

This a reaction to some of Paige's posts in the last week, in which kids were double-buckled and, hypothetically, left napping momentarily while picking up kids from school. She and I had an email exchange, where I shared this rule (orginally The 80% Rule, but later ammended as I thought it out). Want to hear?

I think that if 90 % of the time, you are safety-conscious (kids properly buckled, properly kept in the house screaming while his older siblings play on the safest cul-de-sac in the world, properly watched while bathing), germ-aware (emphasizing hand-washing often, not allowing them to stick heads in the toilet, making them spit gum out that they found on the concrete in front of Target), appropriately parenting (not yelling at them on their first day of school even though you told them last night to find their footwear, reading scriptures most nights even when your 4-year-old reacts to the Nephites' lack of contention following the visit of the Savior with the phrase "that's scawy", not allowing more than an hour of media time a day), and focused on healthy eating, (having a fruit or vegetable available at every meal, limiting juice to once a day, making them eat what you fix so they learn to like what's in front of them

then ...

the other 10% of the time, it's called Real Life. I think it's hard to have a full life if you can't ever go to McDonald's because it's teeming with germs, if you can't ever have a 3 year old without a booster to make the pre-school carpool easier, if you never allow 2 hours of videos so everyone (including Mom) can have a quiet nap, if you never allow them to eat 15 marshmallows in 10 minutes at the neighborhood campout because you don't want to deal with his screaming ...Life gets too hard. I realize that we all have our "things" and that's fine, and some of you would never do the above things...but that's why I made up my 90% Rule. I allow imperfection and safety lapses, because I want to be free to experience family life as I feel it should be lived...double-buckling and all.

2) Discipline when it punishes you.

I could probably end right there and you would all know exactly what I'm talking about. Emma and Gabe broke a rule about coming in when I call (consequence: no playing outside the rest of the day) at the end of the day and then LIED about it (and got caught). The punishment, I not-so-calmly pronounced: 2 full days inside. As the words left my mouth, I realized what I had done. I was punishing me. I felt like it was an natural consequence (if you can't be trusted to come in when I call, then you can't go out at all and if you lie about something, it's WORSE than the original crime) but I WAS GOING TO DIE with kids in my face for two entire days. I started calling around, asking friends if they were sick or getting their hair done, so I could "watch the kids for them" --translation: ease the misery in our house, through pretending a service project. I began making up outings (library, Seth needed to go to the park) so we could get out. All in all, I think it was effective. But how bad does it suck when being a good parent disciplines you?!

3) The Not Listening Chair

Also known as the toilet. I got this from my mom. She claims she changed it to "The Thinking Chair" to be more positive, but that was after my time. We call it the Not Listening Chair around here. It's where they go when they do bad stuff. 1 minute per year, of course...and I never forget to set the timer and they never yell "Can I get off?" 25 times and I'm always really calm when I send them there. I love it because it's everywhere, in every home, it's really boring, and uncomfortable and the only trouble they can get into is un-rolling the toilet paper roll. Downside: It's really echo-y when they're screaming bloody murder. Seth sends himself there:

I'll hear yelling and then I'll locate the source. It's Seth, following the example set for him by older siblings, "I ge off?!" Even though I've never actually sent him there. I tell him he can get off, but he won't until I have him apologize (like I do with older kids, thank you, Super Nanny) so I have to make something up: "Tell Mom sorry for being really cute." "Sah-we, mom." "Okay, you can get off." I'm worried it's losing it's effectiveness for him.

So there you go...being the wordy woman that I am, those turned out to all be long enough for their own posts. Sorry. I'd love to hear your feedback about how you'd never adopt a 90% rule, wimp out of a punishment by making up service projects or force your baby to say sorry for nothing. Maybe you can teach ME a thing or two!