Thursday, January 17, 2008

Deaf and Dumb

(See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil...)

So Ryan met us for lunch the other day. Knowing we had an eye check-up for Emma later that day, he said: "Hey, remember to find out if her eyes have gotten worse."

I reply, (slightly bugged): "Um, of course I will" thinking: what did he think check-up meant anyway?

He says: "Well, it's just that sometimes I ask you things after doctor's visits and you didn't remember to ask seemingly simple questions."

I say: "We better stop talking about this now, because that last statement really made me mad."

I continue on with my day (which was hideous, but you have the same days and you don't need to be exhausted by mine, do you?). We make it to the optometrist. Emma goes in, I supervise kids, Emma and the doctor come out.

The doctor begins to explain to me that her eyes have gotten worse, blah, blah, blah. I begin to realize I'm having a hard time focusing. And I'm really trying because Mr. Third Degree is waiting at home.

And then I realize what the problem is.

Seth is trying on all the fragile eyeglasses all over the office and not putting them back. Jane is behind the optician's desk opening drawers. Gabe is asking me how to spell a word for his homework. Emma is spazzing out all over the room because the dilation drops feel weird in her eyes. Our coats, backpacks and waiting room toys are strewn all over this nice office. There are about 6 other people watching me and my unruly kids in a tiny little space.

How in the HECK am I supposed to ask this man intelligent, forward thinking questions and understand his medical terminology answers??

So on the way home, I call Ryan to tell her that her eyes have gotten worse, what the prescription is, what her vision is, that we decided not to do contacts, when the glasses will come in, how much they cost. And I'm feeling pretty proud of myself, because AGAINST ALL ODDS, I have been thorough.

Ryan asks: "So what does this mean, long term, for her eyes?"

**cue crickets chirping**

Just give me the F for Listening right now. In fact, I'm putting myself on the "not-listening chair". It's quiet in there.

38 comments:

Lauren said...

Cue crickets chirping! That was hilarious! I am totally blog~ lifting that!

maybe you aren't a good listener but...You are a very talented blogger, my friend!

I agree with sitting on the "not listening" chair...I put myself in Time-Out the other day, and had a much needed nap and woke up a whole new woman...well, I was a new woman for at least 15 minutes.

Paige said...

I'd say deaf, dumb, and distracted. If he can meet you for lunch, can he skip the lunch and go to the appointments instead? Really, that's a lot to ask of you.

Sherine said...

I peeked in on your blog after my sister Shally said it was hilarious. I love that you put yourself on the 'not listening chair' I once self punished with 'No more talking for mom' after a very loud car ride where I seemed to be the only one responding to the numerous cries, complaints requests etc -- while my husband silently enjoyed the ride.

Penny said...

That was hysterical!! I have a FANTASTIC idea!! Next time, make the appointment at a time when Ryan can go, and "accidentally" have plans at that same time. So that he has to take all the kids with him. And then when he gets home YOU can ask him all the questions that HE won't know the answer to! Then he can experience the suicidal thoughts that only a doctor's visit with ALL the kids can bring on!

With all that going on, I am just impressed that you remembered all the kids and got them all home in one piece.

I love the "cue crickets chirping" too! Where do you come up with this stuff?!

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

My husband does that all the time. Asks me all kinds of questions and I feel so dumb for not asking them. But DUH! I, too, am distracted by the other kids and the mess they are usually making. Oh, to be able to only take one child to the doctor...

Meg said...

Sounds like my life!!! I can relate fully!

TexasTwinsTwice said...

OH! That definitely sounds like a tough experience!!! I wonder if it's a guy thing, because my husband will inevitably come up with some question I should've asked someone when I talked to them. I tell him he should've been a reporter.

Bridget said...

I say you're amazing for coming away with as much information as you did! Kudos for that. And nothing was broken while children were rummaging through fragile glasses? I say give yourself and A+

Shally said...

The more I know about your husband, the more I feel like Zach has been cloned or something! They are so alike. I HATE it when he does that to me!

Oh my gosh, the crickets thing was hilarious...

Laurie & Dan said...

Email me if you have any questions about Emma's eyes--I now know enough I could probably prep you before the next inquisition!

Laurie & Dan said...

One more thing--have a pediatric opthamologist do Emma's exam if you have concerns. There's a huge difference between optometrists and pediatric opthamologists. Seriously, I know these things.

DaNae said...

I love reading your posts! It makes me a little worried about having more than 1 child though!! jk your kids are adorable.

The Hansen Clan said...

So Kyle would have said "What eye doctor appointment? We have a child that has eye problems?" I loved the post and the crickets... I actually "heard" them and paused in my reading :)

John Holly Levi & Faith said...

I hope Emma's eyes get better. Seriously. Optometrists offices are THE WORST!!! I've been there too many times and WITH kids. One of my sister's worst experiences ever with her kids was in said offices. You done good, Sis getting in all the information you got in.

John and I have the opposite problem. I'm always asking HIM the one detail he forgot to find out about.

Tell Ryan to go alone next time with all the kids and you can quiz him when he's done. It's only FAIR!

John Holly Levi & Faith said...

P.s. LOVE LOVE the pic of your kids re-enacting the see, hear, speak no evil. SO creative and funny!

Ilene said...

Long term eye-care?

It's called glasses until contacts or lasik.

Next time Ryan can call me.

Me & My BOYS said...

I say next time Ryan takes the kids and you can go to the Dr. appt. in peace and quiet... but then you'd still forget to ask the questions that he wants you to ask. Maybe you should tell him to call the Dr. and he can ask all the questions that he wants to ask.

My Ryan does that to me all the time. For example, I'll tell him that someone is starting a new business. He'll say, "Doing what." Well, I didn't ask. I guess I just forget the important stuff.

gab said...

Please see my Sept. 12, 2007 post for my thoughts on taking children to the doctor. I turn into a complete idiot in that setting. I need to take a little notebook to write everything down. Yeah, right...

Tammy said...

I say this is a result of having LOTS of kids! If you were in the waiting room with 1 other child or no other children, it would be simpler setting...thus why I will not have many children. :) Bless your patience!! I am concerned about Emma's eyes getting worse so quickly at her age....I will talk to my ophthalmologists here at the meeting. I think you should take her to a pediatric Ophthalmologist as optometrists are not disease experts when it comes to this stuff. I really think its important.

J'net said...

I am thinkng that THOSE who have the questions, GO to the appointments!!!
I had lazer surgery at an older age and am commenting with 20/20 vision SO that is your answer!
LAZER when she is old enough... 21ish. AND in between those years there are plenty of appts. to ask the OTHER related questions.
As for "hear, see and say no evil" in the picture...
They are SO cute, you just gotta love 'em!
This too shall pass and then you will pine for the
"younger" years, WELL, maybe not?!?
Just keep finding the humor as they pass and you'll make it with the gold star at the end of the day. Maybe this day was a BLUE star day!!!?
Did you go out for date night or was lunch all you got? What night is date night in your week?
Oh yeah, was the doctor cute? That's usually the MOST important medical question WHEN you are dealing with the "professional" world!!! Ha, Ha, that's why I usually go "natural"!!

J'net said...

FOOTNOTE: Natural, as in holistic!
Jessica, email me with a working email address...
I have something cute to send you "email" Thanx,
A. J'net

Elizabeth Caldwell said...

Ok first off I have a blog now - you have inspired me... or doomed me - I'm not entirely sure yet...

For the eye thing - My John cant see the big E without his glasses on. Long term kid's vision problems mean lots of appointments, new glasses each year (we get John's every fall just before school starts) and Lasik when he is older....

Maybe you could ask the doctor to just write everything down?

crystal said...

Oh, I absolutely HATE the dr's office with all The Urchins in tow! I'd rather stick pins in my eyeballs.

Hmmmm..."not listening chair." SWEET! I'm swiping that one.

I forgot to email you! I'm a loser! I even have it saved in my gmail with a star by it. Maybe it's because Amy's so perfect that I've procrastinated writing her update for you b/c I know I'll get a complex :)

And don't you try to sucker me into bringing samples to Blogapalooza. It's catered, I thought! So there.

andrea said...

amen to paige. back when there were no kids, or one kid, and life was easy and perfect... he could ask you those questions. plan the next round of appts for blogapalooza week. then we'll see how that goes. although, murphy's law, when they have to do it for 2 days... life seems to cut them a break. HOWEVER... i still refer back to the scruffy picture during your girls' weekend.

Caroline said...

Long term = she's gonna wear glasses! Weren't you listening? Sheesh. My husband did that once and I tore him a new one.... if you're that concerned? YOU take them.

Holly said...

Awww man, I thought you were doing great! Not only did you cover the all important basics, you did so with many, many shall we say, beloved distractions. Then he goes for the jugular with The Question??Grrrr.

Love the crickets and the not listening chair though.

Jill said...

Ha, that was funny! Don't feel bad about the medical lingo, I am a nurse and still don't understand everything.
Bummer about her bad eyes. My eyes didn't go bad until my 20's. It's hard to worry about that as a kid. I guess she'll just get used to it though.
Anyways...I'm so excited to see you in May!!!!!!! I'm coming. It's going to be such a blast!!!!!!

Kristin said...

Matt took three of the boys to the doctor when I had Adam, he finally understood the pain of the trip. Hey we were wonder if you know anything about Northwest Orthopedics group in town, we are considering moving to your area and want to know anything good or bad about the practice. Thanks,

Lorena said...

Very cute post...happens to me all of the time. I try to attend appointments with only one child, try being the operative word.

Audry said...

I think it happens to the best of us. That's what happens when you have kids. I would like to know how many questions he would have thought to ask if he were put in a similar situation.

Erin said...

I feel ya on this one! We had to make rules about which appointments we could attend with both children (very few--really just their regular pedi) and which we could only attend with the child who would be the patient (usually Milo). It's just too much to try to keep them from mortally embarassing you and to try to absorb all of the important medical mumbo jumbo!

Kate Benson said...

I am laughing out loud... so true! Jess, thanks for the comment on by blog... it's been a long, long time, holy cow. How are things? You have a lovely family, and your hubby is HOT! Can I say that?

Kara Jayne said...

Too funny. I wish I was as talented of a blogger as you are. Hey, I'm still waiting for your email about Blogapalooza. Am I still invited? I'm going to hit up the hubby with the idea tonight! the best email to get me on is karajaynekelly at gmail dot com!

Carie said...

DARN my lame computer being broke. This was posted days ago and I am just reading this today.

Hilarious post. You are the most popular blogger I know, next to Celia Fae of course who I don't really know.

Nortorious said...

I space when doctors tell me things too. I have to make my husband come because I can't concentrate or remember anything they say. Ever.

rubberbandgirl said...

Ok. I have a comment here. I have a Mr. 3rd Degree at my house and it drives me crazy! I don't know why he doesn't just go to the Dr. with these kiddos. I usually go on just how I feel after it's over. Am I still worried? Or did the Dr. give me the peace of mind that I needed to feel like my kid will be OK.
Anyway, I HEAR you and offer my sympathy.

Pineapple Princess said...

You know how Dr.'s record thier patient notes into a voice recorder? Take one of those and interview him. It will also catch the some of children chaos in the background. Let your husband transcribe it.

Adrianne said...

Yeah, I have one kid, generally consider myself on top of things, and no matter WHAT appointment I have just returned from, what phone call I have just ended, I do not have the proper amount of data or names taking and am being chastised for being irresponsible. annoying.

p.s. have I told you you're hilarious lately? I think blogging is making you funnier. Not that you weren't always, but you're exercising the "funny writing" muscle more now.