“I learn how to love them, dear Mother, from you…”

I watch my mother and I learn compassion and to value things that “lovely, of good report and praiseworthy.”

I watch my mother in law and learn to keep a sense of humor no matter what and to serve unceasingly.

I watch my friend Brenda and learn to be a “mother bear” when it comes to defending my kids.

I watch my friend Rachel and learn to teach self-confidence to children simply by being self-confident yourself.

I watch my friend Laura and learn to say things nicely so the EVERY kid in the neighborhood wants to be around you all the time.

I watch my friend Alison and learn to teach my kids to find causes and stand for them, no matter what.

I watch my friend Penny and learn to make my kids’ safety paramount in my decision making.

I watch my friend Daralee and learn to teach my kids self-reliance and to place value on what is really important.

I watch my friend Tessa and learn how to teach your kids optimism, service and friendship.

I watch my friend Randi and learn how to teach children to develop their talents and let them be who they are.

I watch my friend Jessica (Albrecht) and learn how to take charge and make sure the programs, relationships, lessons, etc. that are good for her kids are in place, organized and the best they can be.

I watch my friend Meghann and learn how to arrange my priorities so that I am giving my kids my time and attention.

I watch my friend Cami and learn how to cheer and encourage my kids in all that they do.

I watch my friend Jessica (Shenaman) and learn how to make every situation fun for my kids.

I watch my friend Melissa and learn how to be calm and how to say yes to my kids as much as possible.

I watch my friend Adrianne and learn how to work to continually progress in the skills of mothering.

I watch my friend Paige and learn how to make my kids the most important variable in the hard, hard things life throws at us.

I watch my friend Andrea and learn how to put my desires aside in order to do what is best for my children.

I watch my sister-in-law Heather and learn how to parent by the Spirit.

I watch my sister-in-law Betsy and learn how to go to any length to make a holiday, a birthday, an event, a playdate for my kids as fun as possible.

I watch my sister-in-law Brooke and learn how to model overcoming change and challenges and grief by following the Savior.

I watch my sister-in-law Meridith and learn how to calmly and carefully do Motherhood like it’s the only job worth doing.

I watch my sister-in-law Christy and learn how to enjoy my kids, without stressing and worrying.

I watch my sister-in-law Janelle and learn how to only do the things that really matter for the growth of my kids and the strengthening of the family unit.

I watch my sister-in-law Kelsie and learn how to give my kids a happy home by supporting and loving their father.

There are many blogging friends out there, too, who teach me things like organization, perspective, applying the Gospel to parenting, how to celebrate, how to slow down so that I can be a better mother.  I have women in my life who aren’t mothers yet, who cheer me on and applaud my efforts and make me feel like I just might be doing something right.  I have men in my life who inspire me with their fathering and their examples, their praise and their support.

I don’t do this job in a vacuum.  I can only do this job because I have examples and friends and books and a husband who help me.  Mostly I can do this because I have a Savior who, through his Grace gives me power to do more than is humanly possible in mothering these sweet, good, challenging children. 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Thoughts from Women’s Conference

I got to attend BYU’s Women’s Conference over the weekend.  Some observations follow:

--BYU is a beautiful campus:  the buildings, the blossoms, the huge so-close-you-could-touch mountains, the feelings that’s here.  I feel lucky all of the time that I got to attend all those years ago.  I have lots of fun memories.

--There is so much variety, even among a bunch of American Mormon women.  I loved the different clothing styles, ages, conversations I overheard, groupings.  Variety and difference are beautiful.  Sometimes I forget that I/we all don’t need to act the same.  It’s our differences that makes this life experience rich and meaningful and lovely.

--Sometimes, even for a Type-A, follow-the-rules girl, like myself, skipping a class and going to lunch my mother in law and sister in law can be WAY more enriching than any old class would be.  Plus:  Kneaders.

--I have a problem:  while in the first class, “Ideals are Stars to steer by, not Sticks to beat ourselves with”, I literally had a knot in my stomach while I tried to pick the Absolutely Perfect lecture list for the next two days.  I was all anxious that I would miss The One that would make me Perfect.  I had to talk myself off the ledge and remind myself that it would be great, no matter what I picked and what I heard.  Sheesh.

--Also funny:  In the Avoiding the Time Traps of Technology class, I observed 1 woman texting on her phone during the opening prayer (yeah, yeah, my eyes were open…), 1 woman get up and leave when she got a call on her cell phones, and 2 women having a discussion about Angry Birds.  One of the best classes I went to, regardless of anyone’s technology addictions.

--Having two days of almost total alone time is really really nice sometimes.  I spent one segment between classes reading EVERY SINGLE PLAQUE next to the Minerva Teichert (one of my faves) paintings that line the walls of the Joseph Smith building.  (Downside:  you have to take pictures of yourself and that doesn’t usually work out so well).

--If you don’t have a friend at Women’s Conference…you better have a husband who doesn’t mind getting calls after every class, so that you can share all the brilliant things you are learning with SOMEBODY.

--It’s a good thing I’m a trained runner—getting into popular Women’s Conference classes requires it.  You should have seen me, literally, FULL-OUT 9 minute-mile running to get into NieNie and CJane’s class.  I kept ignoring the vision of my 36-year-old-tight-jean-leopard-print-flats self tearing through the campus with a bag bouncing across my back by telling myself a)You’ll never see these people you are passing again and b)when will you get a chance to see/hear those two in person again?  (TOTALLY worth it, btw—hilarious, interesting, spiritual).

--It was wonderful.  I really just spend the whole entire time feeling the abiding peace and joy of the Holy Ghost.  I felt personal promptings that including (mostly) affirmations that I’m doing just fine and (a little bit) ideas on how to improve.  I was reminded, through that Spirit, of the blessings that come from the Gospel of Jesus Christ and obedience to it.  It is thrilling to know what I know and have what I have and to be able to share it with my children and others. 

--I have returned home just a little bit better than when I left.  

The Weekend that was so lovely it deserves its own post

Friday:

No pictures of this, but Emma and I got to participate in a huge Easter choir concert and it was a phenomenal experience.  The director is unparalleled and spending hours practicing and performing with friends was a blessing.  I feel grateful, during activities like these, that I get to experience holidays through music and get to raise my praises to heaven through song.

Saturday:

The egg dying:

so chill and fun. I think the first 60 degree day and the sunlight streaming through the window made everyone extra happy.

A sunny Egg-Salad-Sandwich Picnic:

Can I repeat:  NICEST DAY OF THE YEAR SO FAR?

The family candy/egg hunt:

 

The church egg hunt, also not documented with pictures, was way more fun this year (Egg hunts seem to be more enjoyable WITHOUT snow).  We loved the part where they sent the million kids out hunting in the forest and then told the adults to line up for the food.  Everyone was happy!

Sunday:

Alas, no Easter Sunday clothes pictures.  It’s way too hard to

a)get everyone dressed, happily, in time for church AND pictures

b)get everyone dressed, happily, in time for church AND pictures, when the 2 year old is taking her nap until the last possible second

c) get everyone dressed, happily, in time for church AND pictures, when the 2 year old is taking her nap until the last possible second, AND your husband left for meetings 40 minutes earlier.

Everyone did  look very cute and I was very pleased with the matching.  We’ll do a repeat next Sunday, when we visit Utah, and have Aunt Bekah take pictures.

But I did capture some of the always fabulous Easter dinner with the Daines:

and Uncle Doug and Aunt Marcy (who couldn’t be more positive, loving, thoughtful and fun to talk to):

Hey look!  I was there:

Last night Jane said the family prayer at the end of the day and was thanking Heavenly Father for each family member.  When she got to me, she said, “Thanks for mom and um….the food she makes.”  I took that opportunity (my counselor told me I could) to, kindly, remind those children about who organized all activities, purchased all eggs and dye kits, initiated Easter dinner planning with Heather, bought all new Easter clothes, provided all baskets, made all the food, etc. etc. 

I wanted some credit.  So, shoot me.

It takes a village

 

So this is how Faith refers to the following people:

Really.  For example:  Faith was in the tub and she called for Daddy to come get her.  When Ryan appeared she said “No!  Not you, Big Daddy.  I need Yittle Daddy get me out da tub!”

It’s nice to be the well-loved, much looked after, doted on littlest sister.

March (can I really remember that long ago?) Summary

I really don’t think I can remember much, so I guess I’ll just caption the few pictures I took.  You can tell who’s home during the day, because they’re basically the only people I document.

Here is Seth with his Leprechaun trap.

We obviously didn’t read the instruction that told us to make it small enough to fit in a backpack.  It was kind of hilarious because Seth literally thought he was going to catch an actual Leprechaun.  Too bad Mom didn’t “have enough energy” on St Patricks Day to let the Leprechaun in the house and he wasn’t able to leave his usual trail of footprints and pot of gold.  We’ll never know if that Leprechaun trap would actually have worked.

Luckily my energy was drained AFTER I purchased the appropriate green gear:

Speaking of my massive energy drain, I seriously got so fed up with reminding people to do 100% of their daily jobs instead of 63% and then having to deal with the stomping, yelling tantrums that resulted from reminders and THEN having to deal with fighting children all morning long before school that I just decided that I only had the energy to do the basic Mom stuff (feed, clothe, love the children).  We didn’t have fancy breakfasts, just healthy boring oatmeal.  I didn’t give rides to school/soccer/cub scouts/swim practice.  We didn’t have fun holiday celebrations.  Pretty soon I started hearing stuff like “Hey, guys, maybe if we stop fighting, she’ll make us waffles tomorrow.”  And “I can’t get distracted because I want mom to give me a ride.”  It was decently effective, I must say.

Also, I eat Spinach Smoothies every day, and I’m pleased to report that 3/5 of my children now suck down a serving of veggies with every breakfast.  See:

Dress up week at the Kindergarten Center included:

Wacky Wednesday

and Crazy Hair Day

Gabe competed in the Math is Cool competition and his team took 2nd place. 

There was a lot learned by Gabe about working consistently and up to his potential and Mom learned a lot about letting kids learn from their mistakes and dealing with the frustration/worry that comes with it.  Cryptic enough for you?

Emma got to go to her first New Beginnings for Young Women and it was beyond cute in it’s theme and message.  She LLLOOOOVVVVEEEESSSS Young Women.  Loves.

Aunt Betsy came to visit and we had a lovely time sneaking in lunches and pedicures and one late night talk.  We love having cousins come, too, of course, but sometimes an aunt by herself is LOTS of fun.

Note to self:  You remember a lot more about a month when it’s not been over for 3 weeks.  That’s all.

How To: Do it EXACTLY right and STILL fail Love and Logic

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that I really ascribe to the “Love and Logic” parenting program.  I wish I was a thousand million times better at it.  The following is a conversation where I actually did it perfectly (see my italics for the editor’s notes and L&L descriptions) and, well… why don’t you just read to see my results:

Seth:  “Wah wah wah!  Gabe is doing blah blah blah same old whine something mean to me!”

Mom:  (Displaying empathy, when she really just wants one single solitary morning where the boys do not fight before school) “Oh, that’s no fun!  Sorry, bud.  What are you going to do about it?  (Making the issue HIS problem, not Mom’s.)

Seth:  “I don’t know!!  I already tried that Ignoring One you always say!”

Mom:  (Classic Love and Logic here: helping the child problem solve, but not forcing) “Would you like me to give you some ideas?”

Seth:  “Uh-huh!”

Mom:  (As L&L suggests, she throws out some outrageous ones that the child can reject first, because who wants to listen to dumb ol’ mom, anyway?) “Why don’t you go punch Gabe in the stomach!?”

Seth:  “No!  He would fight me back and he’s better at fighting than me!”

Mom:  (Throwing out another TOTALLY outrageous suggestion, while preparing her rational suggestion that Seth go do his dishwasher job and laundry cubbie, so he doesn’t have to be around Gabe) “I know!  How about you go cover your ears in TAPE so you don’t have to hear what Gabe says to you!?”

(And here’s where it all breaks down…)

Seth:  “Oh! OKAY!”

He returns, 2 minutes later.

Seth:  “Mom!  That was a great idea!  I can’t even hear him in here!”

I give up.

For ideas that actually work…head over to Stie’s How to Tuesday!

Kindergarten Self-Analysis

So Seth was supposed to color Red (or reddish pink, apparently) the “Intelligences” that seem most like him, Yellow for the ones that are kind of like him and blue for those not resembling him at all.

Do you see how well this kid knows himself?  (If you can’t tell, artistic is also colored red…)

I love it!

Notes from parent-teacher conferences

1.  Your kid is mostly the same at school as he is at home.  We walked into Jane’s conference and the teacher asked “is Jane really messy at home?  She’s my messiest kid here.” Yeah, well, she’s our messiest kid here, too.  Seth talks all the time at kindergarten, too.  Gabe cares most about getting done fast, which is what we deal with during chore time, here, too.

2.  There are character traits that seem to run through the entire family.  EVERY SINGLE CONFERENCE, the teacher said “They are so smart and are doing fine.  I just wish they’d take a little more time on their work. And they struggle with organization.”  In fact, I’ve heard that at every single conference since Emma started Kindergarten.  Heck, I’ve heard it every single conference since I started going to school, because guess what?  That’s exactly the kind of student I was, and frankly, I’m still kind of like that.

3.  It’s good to take your husband.  I’m glad I don’t have to be the filter.  I’m glad he was able to tell me what he heard, because, I was kind of only hearing the negative.  It was good to have him remind me that there was 90% positive there and I should probably focus on that. 

4.  My kids are really nice kids.   I’m grateful that we don’t have behavior issues and that they are known as kind, fun students.

5. You feel very proud and very embarrassed in the same 20 minutes.  Like when Jane’s teacher points out the that Jane got a 4 for effort in every extra-curricular class (music, computer, PE, etc.) and that she’s never seen that.  That it’s an indication of a girl who puts her best, cheerful effort in EVERY place she goes.  And then tells us how they had to take pencils with erasers away from Jane because she was EATING THE ERASER HEAD OFF OF EVERY ONE.  In fact the aide asked her, “What are erasers for Jane?” and she replied, in all sincerity: “For eating?” ?!?!

6. Even though I’m a little crazy to think that I’m smart enough to guide 5 different human beings, I’ve also learned that I don’t need to feel guilty for their failings.  I’m trying my best.  So are they.  When either of us realizes we need to do things differently, we will!

Some stuff about Seth’s mouth

1.  When I went to Seth’s Valentine’s party the aide came up to me and said “That Seth.  He really talks a lot.  He talks more than any kid in the class.  He just follows us around talking.” “Really?” I replied, in complete sarcasm.  Then his teacher came up to me “That Seth is a kick.  He’s so fun and good, but he really never stops talking, does he?”  “Um, no.”  I replied, again.  Then his student teacher comes up to me “That Seth.  He can talk to anybody.  It doesn’t even matter if you’re listening or not.”  “Um-hmm.”  I replied.

I left the Valentines party feeling very vindicated. 

2.  Jane has never been able to say her Rs very well.  In fact, she’s in speech therapy currently, trying to learn how to pronounce them (smiling lips, a rolling feeling in the back of your mouth).  Seth couldn’t say his Rs, but I always suspected it had more to do with the person that he talked to the majority of the day (Jane), then actual physical issues, or whatever. 

A few weeks ago, apparently due to some eavesdropping on Mom/Jane speech practice, Seth decided to try to say his Rs.  And so for the last 2-3 weeks, we the Poster Child for Hard Rs in our house.  Every R sounds like this:  “Mom, is it time foRRR the biRRRthday paRRRty yet?”  It’s pretty funny, and kind of amazing how quickly he’s picked it up.  He’s actually surpassed Jane in his ability to consistently use them in everyday speech.  Heck, he’s suRRRpassed us all in his attention to Rs.

It’s pRRRobably all the pRRRactice he gets.

How to: run your first marathon

Bold Print:  I have no education, whatsoever, in exercise or physical anything.  I don’t even read running magazines.  I have to try VERY hard to follow my doctor’s advice when it comes to taking care of my legs/feet.  I am in no way an expert.

That being said…I did run my first marathon last May and it went so well, I want to do it again and again.  This is what I’d tell someone that was thinking of running a marathon.

1.  You CAN do it.  I made my decision after watching “Biggest Loser’s” marathon one year.  I thought:  if those people who were inactive and 350 lbs 4 months ago, then I can certainly do it.  What you don’t know yet is that you build really slowly.  You run 8 miles and then 10 miles and then you think “I can run 12, because it’s only 20 minutes more than I ran last week”. 

2.  Cross-train, cross-train, cross-train.  I cross-trained really hard and had no injuries, at all.  I felt like it was because I was working ALL of my muscles regularly, not just my running muscles, and so nothing was getting over-used and strained.  Others I know, who didn’t cross-train, got injuries.  Also, I was reading an article about running your first marathon, and the #2 thing they said to do, after checking with your doctor, is to begin weight lifting!  My cross-training included 2 days of serious weight-lifting and one day of boot camp.

3.  Use this plan:The Less-Is-More Training Program  .  It’s a 3 day a week training plan and I really liked it.  I felt like I never got burned out on running or was achy from pounding my feet 4-5 days a week.  You have to be running 4-6 miles to start it, and it starts at high mileage right from the start, but all of my friends, who trained with me and didn’t use my plan, want to use it for our next marathon.

4.  Convince SOMEONE to do it with you.  Those long runs were actually FUN to me, because I knew it was my alone time with my friends.  Plus, you want to talk about it non-stop, so you need someone who cares.

5.  Realize that your body will need to recover.  When I ran 15 miles on a Saturday morning, I was kind of useless until about 2:00 pm, after a long nap.  It’s a sacrifice for your family, so tell them thanks a lot.

6.  Research your marathon.  Don’t start out on a challenging, hilly, high-altitude one.  You can find ratings and opinions on sites like this.

7.  Download some new upbeat, dance-y tunes every few weeks.  “Rockstar” by Pink gets old after 115 miles of training.

8.  Good shoes.  Everyone who knows me, knows I get by on cheap.  You can’t go cheap on running shoes.  Go to a running store and have them fit you…it’s worth the extra $50, I promise.

9.  Don’t expect to lose weight.  Unless you are a boy. 

10.  Start early experimenting with food and liquid during your long run.  You want to have a fueling habit that your body can count on.  You can find books at the library or websites that will give you ideas on ideal marathon training nutrition.  (I ate a banana and a yogurt 30 minutes before each run, fueled during the run with G2 and jolly ranchers and tried to eat a complex carbohydrate—whole wheat bread/crackers within an hour of getting home.)

There you go!  It was so fun!  I get a giddy feeling in my stomach whenever I remember it and can’t wait to do Top of Utah in September of this year…anyone want to join me?

**More How-Tos:  Check Stie’s fun How-To Tuesday here.

It's dangerous out there

Ryan just called a sibling whose parenting he particularly admires and asked the following question: "When you become a perfect parent, do you stop hiding from your kids? Because right now, I'm afraid to leave my room because I might encounter one. I'm just wondering, does that end sometime?"

It's been a long Sunday.


Obviously.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Little

Yesterday, I spent some time putting together my blog book from 2009.  Being 2 years behind is no big deal, except…those posts are about kids who were so much littler 2 years ago.  It made me sad.  Little 6 month old Faith, 3 year Seth, 5 year old Jane…I was a little teary. 

The fact is, no matter what I do, there’s no possible way to stop them from getting bigger.  They’ll just keep doing it and doing it, until I have no more Littles at home.  I’m sure there will be good things about that, but I couldn’t think of them yesterday. 

So that is why…I didn’t really mind at all when this one:

got a little stomach flu yesterday. 

With a little perspective, I was able to stop my busy and stay home with and enjoy my Almost Not Little boy—reading books, paying games, taking a nap together. 

A little Tender Mercy, I think, that on a day when I was especially mourning my babies, I got to spend a little extra time with one of them.