I’ve got a couple of blogworthy stories to tell you. Today, we’ll start with my nervous breakdown.
It was a pretty normal day (last Thursday), though I had been feeling A LOT of pressure over the last few days at the amount of stuff I had (always have) to do. I didn’t wake up super grouchy or stressed or anything.
And then, Gabe was caught for the 3rd time in 24 hours sneaking TV and lying about it and so I had to come up with a consequence that would fit the crime but I knew it would SO bum him out and who wants to be that mean of a mom? I don’t. Yuck.
And then Jane flipped out (doing her awesome yell-cry) when I told her that she was going to miss the bus because she was playing with Faith and she still had tons to do and I had to listen to my 9.5 year old yell and cry and yell and cry. Grrr.
And then Seth ran out the door, late-ish also for the bus and left me with a half-unloaded dishwasher to do. Awesome.
And then Faith began throwing ANOTHER huge tantrum (she was barfing and scratching her face with her nails) and was refusing to get in the car and all of a sudden I realized that if she didn’t get in the car that instant that it would throw off my WHOLE plan for the day because I had to get to Costco and the library and back by 11:00 in order to get nachos for Ryan’s Valentines Day #2 lunch and I couldn’t be back later than 11:15, because Ryan had a meeting at noon. And Faith was screaming and destroying her room (and her face) and the kitchen was a disaster area and I couldn’t find all of the library books and it was impossible for me to do my life and I LOST IT.
I LOST IT. I thought through my day quickly and realized that whatever had to happen that day would have to wait. I wasn’t sending emails or doing Valentines or making dinner or taking people to swimming or putting away the milk. I was quitting for the day.
I sent Ryan this text: (jabbing the screen as hard as I could)
I’m done. Done. I hate this crappy crappy job and I am done and you are going to have to find someone else to do it, because I’m done.
And then I turned off my phone, unplugged the landline, locked my door, shut my blinds and turned on the second season of Downton Abbey.
Ryan came home early for lunch and did who knows what. I assume Faith was fed and put to bed because I wasn’t present. I read and watched TV and took walks and went to the mall and the library and read and watched TV some more.
After Faith woke up, she came in to see me and asked me to do something for her and I said “No. I’m not the Mom today.” And she said “Well, ‘den’ who are you?” and I said “Just Jessica"."
About 20 minutes later, she was milling around and said “Hey Mo---no, I mean, Jessica. I love you, Jessica. I almost said Mom, but you are not Mom, ‘wight’, Jessica?” And I said “Right”.
Emma and Gabe thought it was the best day ever. They made cookies and did no practicing or jobs. When it got time for dinner, Emma organized it and Gabe called around and found a ride to swimming and they took care of Faith. Jane was a little disturbed and Mr La-La Land (Seth) didn’t know anything was different.
Jane left me a note under my door at about 8:00: “I’m sorry you had a bad day. I hope you will be my Mom tomorrow. I like when you’re my mom.”
And so I was. And it was good. That “Day Off” was kind of what I needed to remind me that everything isn’t Immediately Necessary. I needed a day where I just got to think about me. I was rejuvenated and ready to love them and take care of them again.
So what do you think of that?