Thursday, March 13, 2008

Weekly Story Corner #5

After getting some time with Jessica, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I wanted to see her again. I finally decided to put her to the test. I posted the following letter on her front door in classical Lutheran style.


(We can't seem to get these to get larger for the reading audience so here's the translation:

Jessica Buttercup Sherrill,

I, Ryan Park Romney, on the twelfth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety seventh year of our Lord, Challenge you to face me, man to woman. Due to the shame which has brought upon myself, the many members of my family (immediate and extended), and the good citizens of my blessed homeland of Tracy, I am forced to restore my honor by challenging you to a duel. While you are probably querying yourself about the manner in which you have inflicted such great injustices upon us, I feel that justice can only be truly served if you are forced to see the embarrassment which you have inflicted upon us. Thus your false pretense of such innocence may be unmasked as you meet your demise. I have made countless attempts to court you properly, in hopes that one day I would have the satisfaction of coming to our home only to be met by your found embrace. Such hopes, I have come to see, are the whims of a foolish romantic. I can endure rejection, but the blatant humiliation with which you torture me is more than my honor can bear. Thrice spurned by you, I feel it my duty to resolve the matter once and for all. The honor of my family and home land has been equally tarnished by association.

Therefore, as you fancy yourself a woman of great wisdom and learning, I feel that in all fairness to you, we should meet on your terms. Thus let it be sounded throughout all the city, that I will meet you are a distance of three paces with nothing betwixt us save it be honor, one-sided love, and a Trivial Pursuit board. If you perchance by some stroke of luck emerge victorious, then you will no longer be pestered by my undying love. Yet, when I have claimed the victory, then you r hand will finally be given me in marriage. I find this the only logical path towards an ultimate resolution of our star-crossed fates. So, if you be woman enough to meet me, I will meet you at the twenty-first hour of the thirteenth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety-ninth year of our Lord.

--Ryan P. Romney)

In response, I found the following missive waiting for me when I returned home the next day.


(Translation #2:

Sir Romney,

Being much grieved on the receipt of your plaintive message, I feel compelled to reply in haste. Forgive me for what may have seemed unkind rejections. I am, as thou canst see, a woman much occupied with teenage students and hungry travelers. Thus, my time for social romps is much limited. Many a night, I have retired to my bed much exhausted by work, rather than entertainment. Do not think yourself the object of my scorn or that I am at all wearied by your kindly requests--in fact, your invitation are, by far, the ones I look most forward to receiving. This is due to the much laughter I experience in your company. Please use this letter as a salve to your wounded pride and extend my apologies to those in your family affected by my unknowing injuries to their honor.

Having thus said, I am worried on only one point. IN your letter you requested my company for one day and two years hence. I was much grieved when I read that you think to see me on the thirteenth day of February in the year nineteen hundred and ninety-NINE. Perchance, may we meet earlier? Like, maybe tomorrow? If not, I truly understand, due to my many rejections, that you may be nursing resentful feeling towards me and feel to punish me by this long absence. If, in fact, you would capitulate and assent to a meeting of the minds on the night after this one--I would be most glad.

I must warn you, however, that your pride may be hurt once again. I am a formidable opponent in the game of Trivial Pursuit and upon thoroughly destroying you, I fear I may lose your friendship. Keep this in mind as you approach the game!

If everything is understood, then I will anticipate your phone call around the twenty-first hour. Let the games begin!!!

Your humble servant,

Fair Jessica)

Jessica did not fail to impress. At one point she got some ridiculous geography question about some Chinese river. “I wouldn’t know this one either” I admitted after encountering the answer for the first time. I knew I wanted to marry her when she easily bust out the “Yangtse River.” Simply phenomenal.

31 comments:

HILLARY said...

HELP! I can't read it. My eyes have gone bad or something. Maybe I'm just getting old. I'm dying to know what Jessica's response is. (I could Kinda make out Ryan's. But I had to squint real bad)

rubberbandgirl said...

Aw, you guys are so cute. Jessica's brain never fails to impress.

Lorena said...

Ryan...

Have Jessica show you how to post pictures so that when you click on them they enlarge. It would be most beneficial!

andrea said...

yes, i am now experiencing an attack of vertigo from my stubborn determination to read those teeny posts.

however, i succeeded, and they were insane. you guys KILL me.

let's go to the zoo tomorrow. after lunch? i'll email you. but i'm thinking you could both show up dressed in medeival garb. then i'll taunt the tigers and watch ryan save jessica in a chivalrous adventure.

Kara Jayne said...

Are you serious? You guys are way too creative. How fun!!?

Annie said...

How cool is that? I had a twinge of vicarious thrill thinking about you finding these on your doors.

Buttercup because of Princess Bride or because that's really your middle name?

Rachel said...

LOVE IT!

Simply phenomenal is right.

Jacki said...

A medieval tournament of Trivial Pursuit. Wow you two are so historically correct! Please tell me after she beat you, you felt obligated to give Uncle Mike 10 cows for his incredible daughter. That would really make it for me!

Hollyween said...

All those big words sort of hurt my brain. Maybe I've been home with the kids too long. I've lost my smarts.

You guys are so creative and your love story is THE ULTIMATE of romances. I'm pretty sure you both were meant for each other. MFEO... a'la Sleepless in Seattle.

Audry said...

Great letters, I love it.

Elizabeth Caldwell said...

awww shucks... you two are so cute! Your girls may never find a man that will match their dad!

Meg said...

That was hilarious! I now feel a complex from my lack of creativity. Ha Ha.

My favorite part was about using the note as a salve to heal his wounded pride. LOL

Bridget said...

That is so funny. You guys must have known pretty early on you truly were meant for each other. Otherwise, why keep the letters? :)

Lindsey said...

This makes the story of Peter paying off the waiter staff at PF Changs to pretend that they "know" him seem oh so unoriginal! Kudos you two... you truly deserved each other! (In a good way)

Lauren said...

Methinks, the two of you are pretty awesome!
Ryan, what a great way to court the girl of your dreams and Jessica, you are so clever to respond in the same writing style.

Man, oh Man...after all of this awesome build up, did you need a defibrillator Jessica, to revive the guy after your first kiss?

I am loving this so much...can't wait for more...

Celia Fae said...

Are you sure you aren't making this up? It sounds like some cheesy LDS feature flick. Only I like the characters.

Laurie said...

TOO funny. You guys are a riot. But maybe she only accepted your duel because she wanted to beat you in trivial pursuit? Heck, I'd duel anyone in that game (we're not allowed to play it very much in my household--someone, he chooses to remain nameless, doesn't like to THINK that much in "entertainment").

Oh yeah, Jessica has the old language down way better than you Ryan. Probably from many readings of Jane Austen. Which reminds me Jess, are Emma and Jane named for your favorite author?

gab said...

Reading this whole pursuit story is anything but trivial. I love it. You two are a perfect match.

Lindsey said...

Woops

Sally said...

How romantic. Thank you for sharing this great story!

Paige said...

You'd been on one date and were writing about marriage? I think your letter would have scared me. I'm glad she kicked in Trivial Pursuit. Our Humanities education is good for something.

Pineapple Princess said...

Oh my gosh, would someone please make a movie out of this!

ps I think there are a lot of "Ryan Hater Husbands" out there. Who could top all that!

Erin said...

Dude. Don't mess with any of the Nelsons/Munks (or their children!) in Trivial Pursuit. They are hardcore and they are all amazing fountains of bizarre knowledge--in a good way of course. :) I've witnessed many a heated Triv Battle...

You guys are so darn cute. :)

Rochelleht said...

Oh, I love these!

Letters were great!

Can't wait for the next installment.

Penny said...

Well, that was just too cute for words. You both are so very creative! Love it!!

Melissa said...

So cute and funny! He defiantly chose the wrong thing to duel you with. Has there been a rematch?

TexasTwinsTwice said...

okay, if this post doesn't prove you two were meant to be together form the start then nothing will. so cute!

Ilene said...

That Asian Humanities Class comes in handy.

Who knew the Yangtse River would responsible for your love story.

Natalie said...

Such a fun courtship. I love it!

Me & My BOYS said...

You two amuse me very much!

Cade Seeley said...

Ryan - you should have known that if you couldn't even get the year of the challenge/date right you had no chance to beat Jessica at Trivial Pursuit.