Weekly Story Corner #5

After getting some time with Jessica, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I wanted to see her again. I finally decided to put her to the test. I posted the following letter on her front door in classical Lutheran style.

(We can't seem to get these to get larger for the reading audience so here's the translation:

Jessica Buttercup Sherrill,

I, Ryan Park Romney, on the twelfth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety seventh year of our Lord, Challenge you to face me, man to woman. Due to the shame which has brought upon myself, the many members of my family (immediate and extended), and the good citizens of my blessed homeland of Tracy, I am forced to restore my honor by challenging you to a duel. While you are probably querying yourself about the manner in which you have inflicted such great injustices upon us, I feel that justice can only be truly served if you are forced to see the embarrassment which you have inflicted upon us. Thus your false pretense of such innocence may be unmasked as you meet your demise. I have made countless attempts to court you properly, in hopes that one day I would have the satisfaction of coming to our home only to be met by your found embrace. Such hopes, I have come to see, are the whims of a foolish romantic. I can endure rejection, but the blatant humiliation with which you torture me is more than my honor can bear. Thrice spurned by you, I feel it my duty to resolve the matter once and for all. The honor of my family and home land has been equally tarnished by association.

Therefore, as you fancy yourself a woman of great wisdom and learning, I feel that in all fairness to you, we should meet on your terms. Thus let it be sounded throughout all the city, that I will meet you are a distance of three paces with nothing betwixt us save it be honor, one-sided love, and a Trivial Pursuit board. If you perchance by some stroke of luck emerge victorious, then you will no longer be pestered by my undying love. Yet, when I have claimed the victory, then you r hand will finally be given me in marriage. I find this the only logical path towards an ultimate resolution of our star-crossed fates. So, if you be woman enough to meet me, I will meet you at the twenty-first hour of the thirteenth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety-ninth year of our Lord.

--Ryan P. Romney)

In response, I found the following missive waiting for me when I returned home the next day.

(Translation #2:

Sir Romney,

Being much grieved on the receipt of your plaintive message, I feel compelled to reply in haste. Forgive me for what may have seemed unkind rejections. I am, as thou canst see, a woman much occupied with teenage students and hungry travelers. Thus, my time for social romps is much limited. Many a night, I have retired to my bed much exhausted by work, rather than entertainment. Do not think yourself the object of my scorn or that I am at all wearied by your kindly requests--in fact, your invitation are, by far, the ones I look most forward to receiving. This is due to the much laughter I experience in your company. Please use this letter as a salve to your wounded pride and extend my apologies to those in your family affected by my unknowing injuries to their honor.

Having thus said, I am worried on only one point. IN your letter you requested my company for one day and two years hence. I was much grieved when I read that you think to see me on the thirteenth day of February in the year nineteen hundred and ninety-NINE. Perchance, may we meet earlier? Like, maybe tomorrow? If not, I truly understand, due to my many rejections, that you may be nursing resentful feeling towards me and feel to punish me by this long absence. If, in fact, you would capitulate and assent to a meeting of the minds on the night after this one--I would be most glad.

I must warn you, however, that your pride may be hurt once again. I am a formidable opponent in the game of Trivial Pursuit and upon thoroughly destroying you, I fear I may lose your friendship. Keep this in mind as you approach the game!

If everything is understood, then I will anticipate your phone call around the twenty-first hour. Let the games begin!!!

Your humble servant,

Fair Jessica)

Jessica did not fail to impress. At one point she got some ridiculous geography question about some Chinese river. “I wouldn’t know this one either” I admitted after encountering the answer for the first time. I knew I wanted to marry her when she easily bust out the “Yangtse River.” Simply phenomenal.