Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Midnight Visitor

Let's just start off by saying...we are sleep Nazis. Our kids are Ferberized and Baby-wised and they sleep through the night and take great naps all without any sleep aids from us and certainly nowhere near our bed, from 4-5 months on. Ryan is not-so-pleasant in the middle of the night and I am a girl who needs my naps and we work hard with our kids till they figure it out.

So why is it that for the last 2 months, this little thing:


ends up in our bed most nights of the week?

How do you say no to the soft skin, sweet little hugs, and "Puh-leeeze?"s that creep into our room every night around 2am?

(We've gone soft! Don't tell Dr. Ferber. )

44 comments:

Melissa said...

Did you have Jane pose like that for the picture?

I have to say that I struggle with the same problem. If Justin wakes up to find one of the girls "next to the boob" he says "you gave up didn't you?".

Audry said...

Yes, I understand. Both of my started doing that about the same age....I never let them sleep in my bed though, I can't sleep with my kids in my bed I just can't get comfortable so I just made a spot on the floor for them to sleep. Eventually they stopped coming in.

Annie said...

Oh, I have seen that little sad face (one like it anyway) by my bed many nights!

Don't feel bad, Ferber went soft about his method, too, recanting some his method :)

Melinda said...

Ben goes in phases - for a few weeks he comes in and tries to sleep with us then for a few weeks he sleeps fine - unfortunately we are in the coming into our room phase, lucky for me he prefers dad in the middle of the night!! We are also lucky because usually after he falls asleep in our bed we can carry him back to his room and he will stay there the rest of the night. Most nights we wake up and don't even remember how or when he got into our bed!!!

Shally said...

I think twins really help with this issue. They are fine, because they have eachother.

It is my curly haired little 5 year old that wants to sleep between us.

He sleeps, we don't. (teeth grinding, snoring, breathing loud---yuck)

Bridget said...

We are TOTAL sleep Nazis too. But I do admit there was a phase a few months ago where Ethan would get up in the night and want to get in our bed.We couldn't say no. Until it went on for a couple weeks and I wasn't sleeping well. Then I said no.

Laurie said...

Love it that you are a sleep Nazi--I called myself a nap Nazi for years.

Just wait a little while, once you get to the point you can't roll over without waking up, you'll ship her off to her own bed. :)

Heidiram said...

My daughter just discovered how to take the child proof handles off of the doorknobs . . . which means she is no longer "locked" into her room at night. She also just discovered that mami and papi "take a nap" when da dun id teeping. (the sun is sleeping). She has been coming into our room 5 nights straight. UGH! What am I to do? And she no longer naps . . . which means I am no longer napping . . . which makes me a grumpy mommy around 4:00 or 5:00 p.m.

Paige said...

I fell your pain. I've got a 5 year old that is desperate and persistent in the middle of the night outside our locked door. Just make sure they sleep on Ryan's side so he can deal with it. She's trained to go to Jeff's side if she makes it past the door...

Nortorious said...

Is there no snoring or whacking to disturb her slumber? My parents used to make us sleep on the floor next to the bed with no blankets. It never lasted very long.

Carie said...

Blame any and all failings, mis-steps or retractions on the pregnancy!

Plus, how can you say no to Jane?
I heart Jane.

Mique (as in M-i-c-k-e-y) said...

SAME DARN THING AT OUR HOUSE. I can't stand it. It's our #3. The first two are baby-wised too. #3 has to kink all of our plans (and not just sleeping). I've just gone lax about it.
I keep telling myself- at least I am not like my friend who has another "baby making bed" in their room because their 4 year old sleeps (like she has since the day she was born) every night in their bed. No joke. They have one bed to sleep in with their kids. One bed for action (next to the other bed mind you). Are they crazy or what?
But I try not to judge...so maybe there is a really good reason for that? Tell me please there is a good reason for that....

Erika said...

hey - one kid is better than all 4. count your blessings - she won't want to do it in a few more years. (hopefully) by the way... I think you might be having twins. has that one crossed your mind. you said you were more sick than usual. that means twins in our family... also, have you lost your sense of humor? that's a sign too.

Meg said...

Ok. Jane is super cute AND that's my middle name. But, I am a Babywise mom too! Glad to know we have something in common. :-)

diane said...

I'm a total opposite family bed freak! My baby is 15 and hasn't slept with me for over 10 years. It will be over soon and then they'll move out!!

gab said...

Yes, I totally have a testimony of Babywise!! I preach it to the unconverted.

But I have also found half-naked children in bed with me. I sleep so deep I don't even notice til morning!

Lauren said...

Jessica, I feel like I could have written this post! Firstly, we do Babywise, too...I have met people that think it is too rigid (which I have never understood) but, it has saved my life and sanity and helped my sister with twins immeasurably! I am a total Babywise enthusiast.
Having said that, now I must confess that there is a 4 year old child in my house, with big brown eyes and a sweet pleading little voice that keeps getting into bed with us. I laughed when I read this post because just this morning as Brian was wedged between his weary parents (with his feet digging me in the gut and his head digging Mike in the chest) I said to Mike, "Dear...something has come between us..."

Penny said...

Nathan starting waking up every night crying about 8 months ago or so. We couldn't figure out what the problem was. After a couple of weeks, we bought a night light. Guess what?
Problem solved. I guess he would wake up and it was so dark that he was scared. Now he's fine. I don't know- it's worth a try...

Penny said...

P.S. WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE SNOW?!?!?!

Daralee called me this morning playing Christmas music... it sure feel like Christmas a lot more than it feels like SPRING!

AZ Karen said...

I can honestly say that neither of my kids has ever slept in my bed. I'm probably the meanest mom on earth, but I just can't take it. So, I let them climb in, tell me about their bad dream or whatever woke them up, then I gently kick them out...J/K...I get up and walk them back into their room, tuck them back in and go back to my big, mom and dad only bed.

Good luck on this one. If she was in the habit before, I would think it wouldn't be too hard to get her back to it.

Ilene said...

Well, since my husband is anti-snuggle, Jackson comes to my side of the bed. I don't know if I am a sucker for his cute little plea or I am too sleepy to get up and take him back to bed but he usually breaks in. Then keeps me half awake as he sucks his thumb and comandeers my half of the bed. I'm learning to wake up and put him back in his bed.

Jacki said...

Thanks for the book reference. I was wondering the title of those books/methods. I know that sleep is going to be a big issue for me. Brooks on the other hand lives off of 4 hours a night, so if there is any confusion, the baby will go to him!

Jenibelle said...

I would not call myself a strict parent, but this is THE ONE thing that I have NEVER, EVER slacked on.
Not one of my kids has ever spent the night in our bed. All the crying, fit throwing, pleading in the world and I have not buckled. I have spent sleepless nights, but not with a child in my bed.
How? I'm not sure other than walking/carrying them back to theirs and "kindly" explaining that momma's bed is momma's and their bed is theirs. One time I crawled into Jeff's twin bed with him and he complained I was taking up too much room, "that's how it is when you're in my bed bud." Mitchell slept next to us on the floor for about 3 months once and then gave that up. I guess I am an evil, Nazi sleep monster.

Jenibelle said...

Jessica,
My email is groseclj@libertyuhsd.k12.ca.us. Would you please email me? I'd like to run something past you. Thanks!

Elizabeth Caldwell said...

wow - my John slept with me often until he was about 5. At that point he just kind of grew out of it. I guess it is easier to let it happen when you are alone in a queen bed and there is only one kiddo...

I always insisted that he go to bed in his own bed at night, but never made him stay. Naptimes were almost always a "snuggle together" time.

I feel so out of touch - never heard of Ferber or Babywise... LOL

BTW - be sure to check my blog today for a free concert tonight!

Adrianne said...

You are destroying my faith in sleep training. And I don't think you're having twins, doesn't morning sickness generally get worse with each kid??

Lauren said...

Alright, Jessica. I'm a lurker-sorry. :)Actually Shally is related to me.. Anyways, I like reading your blog. Can I add you on to my links? As far as the sleep thing goes, I totally know how you feel. My 4 1/2 year old daughter usually ends up in our 7/10 times (she's gotten better) but my 16 month old has NEVER slept with us. I hate that Grace is in the middle of us.

Laurie said...

What a cutie. I've done baby-wise and failed miserably. I have a 2 year old that goes to sleep w/ no problem but wakes up screeching 2-3 times a night. Please help!

I'm so sorry for the past 2 months - I completely hear your pain.

aric & jess said...

You are a nicer mom than me. What's the next level above sleep nazi?....That would be me.

If the girls have a bad dream I snuggle them for like a minute maybe two and then Aric puts them back in their own beds. I am a light sleeper and I cannot sleep with heavy breathing and thumb sucking going on.

Tristan said...

That is one of the cutest sad pictures ever! How could you say no to that?!?

Lindsey said...

Yeah, you have gone soft. Way to go, just in time for another baby. You are supposed to wait to get soft until the LAST baby. My husband and I can barely sleep in the same bed (snoring, temp, etc). Kids would never be allowed. They have never even tried! My daughter just turns on the hall light that pretty much looks like a flood light in the middle of the night.

Lindsey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rubberbandgirl said...

That photo...aw...
I have been a MAJOR softy with Bryce and at 18 months is consistently spending half the night in our bed. UNTIL LAST NIGHT! Last night was the beginning of the end and I sat and laid down and pretended to sleep next to his crib for about 1 1/2 hours last night. I figure I'm in for it for at least a week.
Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if Jane isn't feeling a bit like the smack-dab-in-the-middle child and wants some reassurance.

crystal said...

Forget Ferber. You'll never get the soft-skin, snugglie years back.

We'll have plenty of lonely time to sleep when we're 50!

Kara Jayne said...

I'm with you guys on being a sleep Nazi! Hopefully my sweet smelling soft skin cuties will always value the lessons we taught them when they were babies so I don't encounter this dilemma!!

julie said...

I totally left a long comment but can't find it. So something happened between the time I pushed send and the time it published. Oh well.

I'm too lazy to write it all out again, but it went something like this.

My kids stink at sleeping, obviously. However, I have done just ONE thing right. No kids in bed. I may spend my entire life in their room, but my room is off limits.

And like Paige so wisely put it, train them to go to Daddy's side of the bed if they do make it through the door!

Brigitta said...

Congratulations. I just read what the easter bunny brought you. I am so excited for you, and hope that the yucky morning sickness goes away soon. Hopefully you aren't sick the entire time. I am getting so darn excited for my little package, I'd be ready for him to come out any time now. Good luck!!!

Lorena said...

Yeah, we have one of those, too. Her name begins with a "B".

Anisa said...

We've been soft all along. Most of the time they sleep in their own bed, but they go through spurts where they are scared, sick, etc. I hear #5 sneaks in all the time!

Meghann said...

Jane, she is so tiny yet so complex and spunky. How can you resist her, especially when she poses like that?!?

Hollyween said...

We have been sleep nazis with Levi, but for some reason with Faith I can't do it because of the whole breastfeeding thing. I feel like she HAS to eat if she wakes up. Is this the case? I need advice if you're a breastfeeder.

And good luck with Jane. Do the floor thing. She'll get sick of it and sleep in her own bed.

TexasTwinsTwice said...

awww--that is so sweet. We are total sleep nazi's but cute little girls ARE hard to resist!

Tammy said...

really? Is it a pain or is it fun to have her cuddle up? does this require longer daytime naps?

AMY said...

I used to put Aidan RIGHT back in bed if he got out during the night, but then once he told me this sad story about Jack eating green grass and his eyes turning orange so... I turned into a bit of a softy. But after snuggling for 10 minutes he does fine the rest of the night in his bed. And luckily it has never formed a habit.