Friday, October 22, 2010

Some of us are Marthas and some of us…

After a long 22 days….

Picture 009

My oven finally got here.  It is gleaming and perfect and the BUTTONS ACTUALLY WORK WHEN YOU PUSH THEM.

While this is a big deal to me (hello!  All that Fall Baking I’ve missed!), I probably wouldn’t add it to the blog, except I strive to constantly embarrass myself in public and feel I must share what happened when the installation guys arrived.  Here goes:

Pre-arrival Ryan reminds me no less than 3 times to clean out from under the stove/oven.  (He’s much neater than I am and remembers little details like that).  They show up about 48 seconds after everyone left for school, but I still manage to sweep as much as I can out of there and then scrub up the gummy sticky stuff from the floor.


(Only Part 1 of the debris…I took a picture to show Ryan how bad it was.  Little did I know.)

They come and I say, “Oh, hey, I just swept under there for you, let me move the broom.” 

Installation guy replies, “Thanks.  It’s pretty bad under ovens.  No one ever cleans under their oven, so don’t worry about it.  Plus yours is the kind that you can’t even move.”  (Not that I’ve ever tried or anything.

They begin to move the oven and, while I am in the room, one exclaims “Oh wow!”  and then exclaims again “EWW!”  and then exclaims again “I have NEVER seen one this bad!  Oh this is awful!” 

Hello!  I’m standing RIGHT HERE, while you rank my housekeeping as Worst Ever!

I was so embarrassed.  I wanted to say, “Um, you realize I’ve had 7 humans living here for the past 4.5 years?  And that I use my oven more than just about anyone I know?  And my kids do a lot of the sweeping because I am trying to teach them how to work and plus I can’t possibly do all the stuff around here?  And (mostly) it’s very rude to express total disgust at someone while they are 2 feet from you!”

I just kept having to tell myself, as my cheeks turned bright red, “I’ll never seen these men again.”

It was a little crazy, I’ll admit.  We found: 1 sippy cup lid, 1 block, 75 cents, 3 marbles, 1 bouncy ball, 3 canning lids, a Christmas picture, glass from a broken bowl, 2 pens and 1 pencil.  (Stocking stuffers?)

I did scrub the heck out of the little area, while they were assembling the new oven, so should you want to view the CLEANEST UNDER-THE-OVEN AREA IN TOWN…come to my house. 

Hey, I’ll even bake you some apple pie (perfectly hygenic, I promise), while you ooh and ahh and wonder “man, is she always this perfect?!” 

(Just ask the Appliance Guy that question, okay?)


Christie said...

I'm a cleaner and I NEVER move the fridge to clean under it. (Ovens are a double built into the wall, but if not, they'd be filthy, too).

Guarantee that your install guys went out to a truck full of old hamburger wrappers and cigarette butts. Judge not, install guys, judge not.

Tristan said...

No one ever moves their ovens, fridges, dishwashers or couches to clean under them. You are not alone sister.

Nice oven!! Share more recipes please ;-)

the wrath of khandrea said...

are you wearing a miniskirt? i must know. with lacy tights? were you trying to skank it up for the workmen in hopes of getting another discount somewhere?

this post was hilarious! i laughed out loud (not to be confused with LOL'ing, which i never do...) the whole way through. fabulous.

Elizabeth said...

Yep this just makes you even more perfect in my book!
Also I LOVE the tights and skirt combo (just to be totally of the topic).

Cami said...

I'm still confused...
Is this a Martha and Mary (in the Bible) reference in your title or Martha Stewart?

Jenna said...

I think you have the story off just slightly.
Workman #1: Oh Wow. (is this oven stuck, I'm having trouble lifting it.)
Workman #2: Ew. (My hand just slipped. Don't say, 'Ow'.)
Workman #1: I've never seen one this bad. (This is one big oven, but I know I can get it out.)

See. They weren't saying ANYTHING about your housekeeping skills. Just commenting on moving the freakin' oven.

(I just had a dishwasher installed. This is what I told myself.)

Lauren in GA said...

Jessica, your humor is divine. I laughed at all of the hilarious commentary...things like it took the installation guys about 48 seconds to arrive after everyone had left for school, and how you lamented that it is very rude for someone to express total disgust at someone when they are two feet away from you. I am not kidding when I say I totally belly laughed and out loud (just like Andrea) when I read, "(Stocking Stuffers?") You are hilarious.

I also noticed the awesome Halloween outfits on everybody, too. Are those little skulls on your sweater? Please say yes. So awesome. I think that Faith has on a little Halloween shirt (are those little ghosties?) and I am loving Seth's scary eyes shirt.

Okay, lastly I have to say that Emma looks so much like her beautiful Mom. That picture of you totally made me think of Emma...especially now that she has bangs. You are so beautiful...I hardly noticed your oven...though that oven is a true thing of beauty.

Tammy said...

You are hilarious! Love it...and love the documentation photo. I spied that snicker snackers wrapper!!! Caught you! :)

Jenibelle said...

Oh Jessica, you just cemented your standing as my favorite person ever. I called my BFF's and told them that they're out and you're in!

We got a new washer/dryer... I can't begin to tell you the humiliation. My list of crud underneath was even longer and weirder.

I will take you up on the apple pie, do you ship?

Robin said...

That's all? Man i get that much stuff from under my couch on a monthly basis! You guys are clean!

Lindsey said...

I am quite quite certain that everyone's is that bad. Serious.

Brooke said...

Pretty hilarious installation guys. That's so funny they said all that because seriously who cleans under the oven?

Rachel said...

That is so funny! I can't believe they said that in front of you! I was laughing so hard at this post. Hurray for the new oven! Just in time for the Halloween party. You can bring as many baked goodies as your heart desires:)

♥Shally said...

Ya. When I moved you should have seen what was in our baby Grand piano! I was dying of embarassment!


Heidiram said...

O.K. breathing one big sigh of relief. I have to admit, I clean underneath my fridge, oven, washer and dryer twice a year . . . I try to do it a day or two before my Dad comes into town to visit. Otherwise, he puts that on his list of things to do while visiting me and I feel a tad bit embarrassed seeing him clean up all the junk from under there and then on his hands and knees scrubbing my floors. I'd rather have him do the other projects I despise . . . like painting touch-ups and cleaning the garage.

Cynthia said...

I am dying this is so funny. I had to read it to Patrick out loud. I wish I could hear this first hand at McDonalds while our kids are running around, though.

diane said...

This is too funny. I love how real you are. Happy baking! If you have any extras you can send them my way.

Erika said...

If you gonna cook for me, I wouldn't complain about what was under your oven. I bet those workers still live with their mothers.

Adrianne said...

I'm cracking up b/c I hadto have an oven repair man out last week and when he pulledo ut the oven I just kept repeating "I've only been here 3 weeks, so that gunk is NOT MINE! It couldn't possibly be mine, you know, only 3 weeks..."

Linsey said...

What, ovens can be moved? Stocking stuffers!!! You kill me. Love your "my oven is arriving today" look. Very stylish!

Shopper Gal said...

Ovens move? Who knew!! HA I'm dying over here. Love your idea for the kids' stocking stuffers! HA

You crack me up! I'm coming over for some apple pie, don't mind me, I'm inviting myself :)