Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Without a permit...

Dear fun neighbor parent who owns this child's size driveable vehicle,

Now that it's spring, and we're all making our way out of our caves and waving at each other again, I have something I need to talk to you about.


You have, really, given your child the ultimate "fun gift" and my child/ren are desperately wishing you were their parent, instead of me. How great for you. There are hours of fun to be had, speeding up and down the court in this pint-size jeep. And you are so generous in teaching your child to share this gift with my child.


Please don't.


Really. I'm serious.


While my child will gaze longingly at the jeep, I beg of you. Ignore him/her. Here are my reasons:


My blood pressure goes seriously through the roof as I watch our children "share" your toy. My child is bigger than your child and has ways of making him "share" that don't really do justice to the idea of My Turn/Your turn.


I also dislike, immensely, following the jeep around the court, because my child is a maniac (without a driver's license FOR A REASON) and enjoys running over people's flowers and lawn ornaments and into real cars (parked, of course) all the time.


I also enjoy having NON-bruised shins and UN-smashed toes. These are things that fall by the wayside as I, gritting my teeth, follow my irresponsible driver around the court, trying to protect expensive or living things from their driving path. They invariably get the reverse and the drive buttons confused and come crashing into me. And then I want to yank them off, drive the thing home to you myself and mutter naughty words, as I stalk away.


So while we all admire your fun-ness, and your generosity--Romney kids have no interest in your toys.


You are just imagining their pitiful weeping.


I promise.

Love,

Your neighbor in the yellow house.

37 comments:

Melinda said...

Ben's best friend has one of these and I hate following behind helping him steer. Hopefully this summer they can manage steering themselves.

Shally said...

My sister always has the fun toys like that for her kids. My kids have a tricycle...

Bridget said...

Oh, I can relate on this one. We had neighbors in Boston with one of these. It makes those parents seem like rock stars to the little kids but they are such a public nuisance, I hate 'em.

Mahina said...

you are hilarious! i laughed through this whole post!

Kenny and Linsey said...

We had neighbors who always had the latest whatever and I was so jealous. But, they were bratty and never shared so my Mom didn't have to worry. Good luck!

Brown Sugar said...

Word! I spent much of my adolescence hating this girl on my t-ball team because she drove her pink Barbie jeep to practice.

Shannan said...

My boys never saw the driver's wheel of one of these.
I think, hmmmmmmm...childhood obesity is at its highest and yet, we give children battery powered bikes. Why not try the old fashioned things and give them stuff they can power by themselves. Just a thought?

Annie said...

Yes! There oughta be a law. Oh wait there is! Drivers have to be 16 (or 10 in Idaho). As you say, that's for a reason!

Or until they can afford to pay their own insurance.

So so funny. You crack me up.

julie said...

Just this afternoon I went to my friends home and she wheeled out her kiddie ATV. Funny, at first! But after I screamed, "SLOW DOWN!!!!" for twenty minutes, and "Turn! Turn!" every other minute, the joke was on me. Don't like them one bit.

Nortorious said...

Don't let your kids go to Paige's house. It's fun toys galore, and plenty of dangerous likeabikes.

Laurie said...

My boys want the jeeps and trucks like this SOOO badly. They weep as pitifully as the Romneys.

Very funny letter, but did you really send it? Or is this neighbor a bleader? (Maybe blogreader is more clear.)

Hazen5 said...

I think I will copy that and send it to my neighbor down the way!

I think I am done, I can't be sick for 56 days straight! You are a saint, feel better!

Lorena said...

Your kids go outside? Between homework, piano, and chores, mine never see the light of day...so the coveting of other kids' toys is at a minimum.

Meg said...

Very clever letter. I can compose all kinds of letters like that in my head but never have the nerve to send them.

And, you are more than welcome to love David Cook. You are surely not alone in that (the you tube hits on his song last night are over 100,000). I can also see why you might think David A. might not have the same WOW factor...maybe David A needs a horrid white jacket (kidding). But, I love David A's voice and could listen to his songs over and over. But we can still be cyber-friends, right?☺

Audry said...

Yes, we had one of those neighbors too. Only the kid didn't share and my kids could understand why. It really was horrible to hear about every time the toy was brought out.

Kimberly said...

Hilarious. We have the car, and it is a love/hate relationship. My 5 year old is fine, but the 3 year old can't steer. So imagine what a bad parent I appear to be when I run into the house to go to the bathroom, and my 5 year old abandons the 3 year old in the car, who promptly drives across the driveway, lawn, and into the street, just as my mother-in-law shows up. I just blame DH for purchasing it :)

(And thanks for the comment- yes it is me, and I'm excited to meet you in person)

Ilene said...

I'm not going to buy my kids one of those toys when I could buy several pairs of shoes for me instead.

Not that I ever buy the shoes... but the fact that I could means I won't buy the toy for my kids.

Also toys that involve peddling or scooting make for sleepier children. I'm all about sleepy children

Jenibelle said...

I am your neighbor and I am ashamed. I don't have that hummer looking thing, but we have a motorized scooter. At Christmas my boys were out zipping around on it and the neighbor boy was out with his bike with training wheels. He kicked it, threw it to the ground and started crying..."I don't want this...I want that!" pointing to my boys. His parents probably wanted to kill me and write me nasty notes. I am horrified, humbled and sorry.


Not really, that scooter keeps them busy and out of the house! But the good thing is that we have the only really nice lawn in the neighborhood, running over the neighbors yards would probably be an improvement. If you came to visit and let your kids ride it, my Jeff would chase them. Consider yourself invited.

Hollyween said...

Oh, Levi had a friend once who had one of those. And it caused SOOO MANY PROBLEMS FOR ME!!! I vowed never to get one. Besides, they're freaking expensive and they get broken.

Lauren said...

I love your writing style. You are ALWAYS so clever and funny!


Yeah, my kids never think that the kind of toys that you have to pedal on your own to get them to move are as cool as the ones like that jeep.

You make me laugh, "trying to protect expensive or living things"...not that I am laughing at YOU or your plight...just love your comedic, witty writing style

Christie said...

I. HATE. THOSE. THINGS.

That's all I can say.

rubberbandgirl said...

Boy, I second that post.

andrea said...

i'm laughing that you said the thing goes "speeding". a crawling baby can lap those things they're so slow! but it added nicely to the imagery you created here, and the whole thing was hilarious.

think of it this way: when your kids are older, they'll be fit and trim from playing like real kids. and the neighbor kids will not be.

Goldie said...

You are so funny. Ava's other grandma gave her one of these and i HATE it with all my heart, for all the reasons you have said, I have it hidden in the garage and am praying and fasting she will forget all about it this year.

aric & jess said...

Okay so lets say you have this friend who has two girls, who own a Barbie car very similar to the one you mentioned. And lets just pretend that your kids come over and want play that friends house and the Barbie car just happens to come out. And that pretend friend lets them run a muck for hours on end with Emma and her oldest in charge....how would you feel about that? This is all hypatheical...

Elizabeth Caldwell said...

Dear Mrs. Romney,

Please inform your neighbor that your children cannot ride the toy because of the advise given to you by your mean 'ol insurance lady. She is willing to take the heat from the kids too, if it helps.

An example of why it is not good for kids to be on these sorts of toys...

Let's say one of your darling angels is riding the toy and runs into a car with a nice paint job causing a large scratch. Your family would be liable for the damage and it would be paid out under your homeowners insurance. As a result your rates might increase and your children might find themselves not only without motorized toys but without other things they like as well (ok that may have been over dramatic, but you get my drift)

Anyway, feel free to make it all my fault. Having some other person for the kids to grump at is a good idea :)

Stacy said...

I've never been a "fun neighbor parent" either, unless owning sidewalk chalk and bubbles counts!

AMY said...

I will remain patient to the children riding those toys in OUR neighborhood.

Celia Fae said...

I'm thinking you need to disconnect certain parts of this toy.

Did you know Paige has a Barbie jeep that she loads her kids into and takes it to school? She makes one kid run behind. Maybe you shouldn't be her friend anymore. I don't have one. Be my friend instead.

Lindsey said...

THIS WAS PERFECT

Penny said...

Jessica, can I just say "Ditto" from the Rowells...

Erika said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! I don't think I am the same Erika whose profile is disabled, but I have commented on your blog before.

Did you say you can see who is visiting your blog?! That is amazing.

This post cracked me up. Have to admit I have always kind of wanted to get one of those things but NEVER wanted to pay the money. I now will not feel like me or my kids are missing out on anything ;-)

Anisa said...

We were thinking of getting Brenner one for his birthday. Should we not?

Carie said...

Add this to the list of reasons we moved onto 7 acres . . . no toy envy.

Erin said...

My "rich" (it's all relative in a poor small town) cousins had two of these suckers. My mom HATED it when we wanted to drive them around.

I totally get it now. Crossing my fingers that our neighbor's never ever get one. Ever.

Jenna said...

I am sooo with you. My kids are begging for one and I'm saying things like, "Are you serious?"

"Do you know what they cost?"

TexasTwinsTwice said...

i ALWAYS wanted one of those when i was a kid. Now I realize, it's GOOD to WANT. So no cute little cars around here!