Friday, August 5, 2011

The difference between parenting your first child and parenting your fifth:

About a month ago, I dished up a plate of dinner for Faith…on a red plate.  She came to the dinner table and announced: “I don’t want a red plate, I want an orange plate.”  I continued to serve up dinner to the rest of the crowd. Faith grabbed a stool, scooted it over to the counter, climbed up, opened the cabinet containing plates, found an orange one, got back down and brought it over to the table.  I scraped her food from her red plate to her orange plate and she got into her chair, ready to eat.

orangeplate

Ryan looked at me and said “And that is the difference between parenting your first child and parenting your fifth child.”

With my first, I would have insisted that she eat from the red plate. (“No child of mine will be so picky as to need to have a certain color plate!”)  I would have been unyielding in letting her know that I was the boss and, because we are a family, we simply don’t cater to those kinds of demands.

With my fifth, I think “Why would I possibly put up a fight over a plate?!  Plus, bonus!  She got it herself, without any trouble to me.” 

Sorry, Emma (though there are bonuses to being first.  I’m a first and I like a lot of things about it.)  I sometimes (LOTS of times?) feel guilty, but I also, sometimes, just can recognize the growth and appreciate it.  Yay for 12.5 years of learning how to be a Mother.  I’m going to be so PERFECT after 40 years, I just know it!

11 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm a lurker of your blog but have to comment. I find myself doing the Exact same thing. At first I thought I was being lazy, but then I realized I am smarter. I still insist on please and thank you's, we spend plenty of time dealing with timeouts, my youngest is not a total tyrant! It is free-ing somehow isn't it! :) (We often tell our oldest we are saving for college for the others, therapy for him... poor kid.)

Camden said...

I can SO relate to this!

Anisa said...

Glad to know my kids aren't the only ones who throw a fit about the color of plate/cup/bowl that they want... and yes, the almost 3 year old usually gets his way... the fight isn't worth it.

Elizabeth said...

So true !

Carie said...

This is the lesson I am still learning. Although I am getting MUCH better. (Maybe I shouldn't have stopped at 4?)

Lauren in GA said...

I loved this, Jessica. I have noticed a big change in my parenting, too. I used to joke that I sterilized everything that dropped on the floor for the first child, washed anything that dropped on the floor for the second child, spit shined to cleanse anything that dropped on the floor for the third child and...the fourth child would be better cared for if he were raised by wolves.

That was only a joke, though. I really have learned to pick my battles and take the least path of resistance, now.

I think it is so awesome that she got herself the plate.

Abbie said...

I love this post so much. I was just talking to one of my friends who has a one year and I was sharing my wisdom (because I am SO wise with TWO kids...). I think after the conversation and this post I really internalized what it means to pick your battles and to focus on what really matters. I can control everything and have a clean apartment and robot kids and make everyone miserable (including myself) or pick the battles that will really shape my kids into good, functional humans and have a messy/kid-cleaned apartment. You know.

Alisa said...

So True! You learn what battles to pick.

Adrianne said...

I'm still on my first, and constantly wondering how often I can give in and when I have to stick my ground...I need help. Please move here and mentor me.

Tammy said...

Now that I am an insta-parent to 2 not my own, I have already learned so much in 2 months alone. Phew, there are things I care about devoutly and things I can let slide. I appreciate your post and how honest you are about parenting. Yes, come visit me and give me tutorials also!!! :)

Margaret said...

Love it.