Tuesday, November 12, 2013

**From the outset, I need to remind readers that a core belief of mine is that God is real, He loves us, knows us and will speak to us and give us guidance in our lives if we ask Him and strive to be worthy to hear and follow His counsel.  This how I've tried to live my life and it has always brought me innumerable blessings.  It is from an understanding of this belief system that one should read this post.**

I've felt pretty done with the whole baby producing process since Faith was around 3.  I was sad she was growing older, but I felt very full with the 5 kids I had and definitely had no desire to go through pregnancy, newborn, nursing, etc. again.  I prayed and fasted about it and felt that the direction I received was "you can if you want" when I asked the question about having more kids.  Well, I didn't really want, so I closed that door in my mind.

In November as I was preparing a visiting teaching message, I felt very prompted to share the message "Where is Thy Pavillion?" by Henry B Eyring.  I wondered which of the 3 sisters I visit needed this message on removing blocks that we place between ourselves and Heavenly Father's will and guidance in our lives, because it was very strong that this was the lesson I was to prepare and give 3 times.

The next Sunday I was fasting about something unrelated to parenting or family or ANYTHING, but I felt like I needed a priesthood blessing from Ryan.  He gave me a reassuring blessing that slightly related to my concern, but at the end, he paused.  And paused.  And paused.  I began to get worried.  "What is so big that he can't just spit it out??"  It was this: "Heavenly Father blesses you to know that your family is not complete."

The words were electric.  I have great faith in Ryan's worthiness and ability to convey God's blessings and will through the priesthood and in the moment, I knew the words were true, that we were having another baby and that my life was taking a very different timeline than the one I'd been planning out.

He had to leave for a meeting pretty immediately afterward and I began to pray personally to my Father in Heaven.  Without going into great detail, that prayer was one of the most intimate and real conversations I've ever had with God.  I felt as if I would ask a question (along the lines of "seriously?" and "Why?" and "do you know how overwhelmed I am with this family already?") and He would answer.  And do you know where the majority of answers were coming from?  From the lesson/talk I'd given while visiting teaching.  Each question would bring to mind a phrase or a story or a scripture from that talk and I knew why I had been so urged to prep that lesson.

Ryan later told me that he had been feeling a strong urge to have another baby during the week previous, but was nervous to bring it up.  He swears that he had forgotten it that Sunday when I asked for the blessing (and I believe him) and so when the words came to his mind he was surprised.  He said the pause was his attempt to clear his mind, and be sure because he knew how huge it would be.  It kept coming back and back.

There have been other sweet confirmations throughout the following months...in the temple, through prayer, from friends, from blessings.  I know we are supposed to have this 6th child.  I know that our family's life will be infinitely better because of it.  I am grateful that Heavenly Father is willing to help me know these things.

That said:  it has not been easy.  I have had a hard time getting excited about this change.  I was frustrated by the whole busted knee issue because it delayed things by 4 months and has made the pregnancy harder.  I've had many tearful episodes where I try to figure out how I can possibly handle a newborn, a preschooler, 2 elementary school students, a middle schooler and a high schooler.  I've struggled with depression, really bad nausea, body image issues, sleeplessness, stress.

I am finally getting anxious for this boy to come--the blessing of your third trimester is that anything sounds better than being pregnant!  And I want to know him and why it was so important he join this family.  I want to watch my teenagers love him.  I want to watch Faith be a big sister.  I want to feel that heavenly spirit that a newborn brings.  I am happy to have many more years of trick or treating and Santa and a sweet little voice following me around during my days.

I am blessed.


Maggie said...


This is probably going to sound really weird, but thank you for starting your blog back up again. I am Heather's sister-in-law and have been reading it for a while. I always find something I can relate to from you and enjoy what you write so much. Congratulations on your newest addition.


Jeanelle said...

I probably shouldn't have read this at my desk at work because I am bawling. Jessica, I love that you are such a faith-filled daughter of God. I love that you know your mission and your responsibilities here on earth and I am so happy that you had (and are having) incredible spiritual experiences that guide and comfort you. You are blessed beyond measure, as you well know, and I'm so proud to know you (in real life!!!) xoxo

Katie said...

Thank you for sharing!

So glad you're back, you always have a great things to say about everyday life, and your testimony!

Best to you as finish up your pregnancy.
When are you due?

Kelsi {John, Jake, Georgia, Naomi, Alice} said...

thank you.

Kelsi {John, Jake, Georgia, Naomi, Alice} said...

and congratulations.

Ashley C said...

Wow, what a powerful message. And what a blessing to be guided by the Spirit in those huge life decisions. I'm happy and excited for you!

Lauren in GA said...

Basically, I echo Jeanelle's comment. I am totally bawling right now. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am truly grateful for your example. I love how you follow promptings and do all you can to stay close to Heavenly Father.

Sorry about the depression, friend.

Emily @ imperfect said...

Congrats on #6! What a beautiful post, so glad you're blogging again!

Ilene said...

Thank you for sharing.

People ask me if we are done after this baby. I tell them unless an angel appears to me, we are done. I suppose I should add "or God speaks to me through a priesthood blessing" to my response. Because if a husband adds that remark to a blessing you know it is from a divine source. No way would my husband verbalize such a statement without divine intervention.

So excited for this little man. There is no doubt you are are meant to be his momma- it seems he was pretty insistent that he not be left behind.

Elizabeth said...

Congratulations (again). Thanks for sharing this amazing experience. I cant wait to see your new little son :-)

Lauren in GA said...

Oh, and by the way...I think you look fantastic. Loving that picture and the way your belt highlights your beautiful baby belly.

Annie said...

I loved this so much, Jessica. Thanks for sharing it. Lucky baby, lucky family. I love your open heart and true soul xx

Annie said...

I loved this so much, Jessica. Thanks for sharing it. Lucky baby, lucky family. I love your open heart and true soul xx

Rebecca said...

That's a beautiful story. That's one lucky little boy to get to come to the Romney family! I'm sorry your pregnancy has been so rough. I'm of the opinion that hard pregnancies=easy babies so hopefully this will be a super easy baby! :)

Brooke Romney said...

Man, what a powerful experience. Your little boy will be so blessed to have that written down! You guys have a wonderful family for him to be a part of and I can't wait to see the whole family raise him together. It will be amazing!

biffyturner@msn.com said...

You don't know me, Jessica, but I have been an occasional lurker for years. I haven't checked here for months. (Found you through Rochelle T., a dear friend of mine, and turns out you know Shauna C., another dear friend of mine.) I am in tears because as I read this my precious, precious #6 is upstairs sound asleep in his bed. He is two years old and I had an equally powerful spiritual experience where I knew my family was not complete. I fought it. And fought some more. And then when I finally decided to bend my will toward my Heavenly Father's everything became easier because I was at peace. It has been hard because being a mother is hard. But our little Tommy is my dream come true. It just took him getting here for me to know he was my dream. He is so worth it.

I am so excited for your family! Six is spectacular!

Andrea said...

Jessica, you don't know me, but I am an lds mother of 5 and I have checked your blog now and then. Thank you for sharing your beautiful experience. I enjoy your blog because you are in the stage just ahead of me. ( my oldest is 10) I don't think I am meant for 6 but I still enjoy hearing what that is like!

katie said...

So great to get your whole story on #6. When my mom told me you were pregnant I was pretty surprised since I thought you guys were done. Can't wait to hear about his delivery and name! Congratulations!