Vacations!

Ooh!  Can you even stand it?  I'm going to do a WHOLE post on our family vacations!! Doesn't get more fun than that!

Utah

We always try to head out on vacation right after school gets out because Spokane seems to think June is actually February and it rains and is freezing.  So everyone gets out and heads to states that know what June is supposed to feel like.

We had to leave Gabe and Ryan home so they could go to scout camp.  In the raining and freezing weather.  In tents.

Anyway,  it had all of the usual:

Visits with family (Romney and Nelson/Seeley)

Outings to the plethora of family friendly stuff that Utah offers






Lots of swimming and water outings




Fun food (including homemade ice cream sandwiches)


Canada

Adrianne and I have been friends for 25 years.  Erika and I were roomates for a few years at BYU.  Lindsay is Adrianne's sister and hilarious.  Adrianne and Lindsay took a truly awe-inspiring trip with LOTS of little kids under 6 from Arizona to Canada and were going to stay with Erika...how could I not honor that little trip by doing one of my own to meet up?  (Here we are with Lindsay and Adrianne and kids):



It was SO FUN.

First of all, the drive there was breathtaking...British Columbia and Alberta cannot be be described without superlatives.  Best, prettiest, grandest.


Then our hostess had the mostest.  Beautiful house, perfectly matched up kids, willingness to feed 13 people.

 

 
Day one was a trip to Heritage Park--  a kind of historical amusement park.  Super educational, fun, lovely.






Day two was a day at the neighborhood lake.  Kayaks, islands, sand, food, talkingtalkingtalkingtalking.


Day three was a trip to downtown Calgary.  Sightseeing, famous buildings (Calgary tower...plexiglass floor--yikes and Olympic Village), native food (Poutine).











Every night, we ditched the kids (yay for 4 babysitting age kids!) and headed out to adult dinners.

And then we drove home through Banff.  You guys!  BANFF!  Probably the prettiest place I've ever seen (with the most mosquitos), where I overcome MAJOR height issues to ride the Sulphur Mountain Gondola and hiked to the top of the freaking world.








Seriously, perfect trip.

Texas/New Mexico

So, my extended family has never done the reunion thing.  This year we began to float the idea of meeting at the Albequerque Balloon Fiesta...it's amazing and kind of halfway between all the parents and siblings.  When it became apparent it was going to actually happen, Ryan and I started planning.

It saves us about $2000 to drive rather than fly and so we choose to do it...it's our only option if we want to have relationships with the 8 parents/siblings that live in Texas.  We crazily decided that if we were only (?) 8 hours away from the 4 Texas Romney families, we ought to leave a few days early and go see them, too.  We left on General Conference weekend in October (random reunion time that corresponds with Balloon Fiesta and people who can't get away in the summer) and drove to Billings (5 hours) Friday night




then to Fort Collins to spend a night with my cousin's family (13 hours)


then to Dallas to visit the Texas family for a day and a half  (11 hours)




It was crazy long but we listened to conference and did homework and fought and ate a lot of fast food.  Plus we LOVE those Romneys.  We swam (in October!), went to parks and caught up with new babies and fun grandparents.  When I asked my kids if the extra 15 hour detour was worth it, they cheered the loudest Yes!


We headed to Santa Fe the next day (9 hours...miscalculated the drive time) with Aunt Bekah stuffed in the overpacked car.

I was in charge of the rental house and, if I do say so myself, I did an awesome job.  Best Sante Fe vacation house ever.


The Balloon Fiesta completely lived up to expectations.

We LOVED watching all the cousins together.




We toured downtown Santa Fe (very cool old town)






Took family pictures



and hit the temple with all the siblings and my dad (Grandma Dorrie had the hard job of babysitting the million little grandkids)



It was kind of a bummer because the government shut-down happened while we were there so there a bunch of national parks we couldn't go to.

We did a family talent show that was so entertaining and sweet and a neat FHE.  Basically it was a dream family reunion.  Can't wait for the NORTHWEST family reunion in 2015 (hint, hint)



(Side note...we drove home STRAIGHT from Santa Fe.  It took 20 hours and we got home at 1 am, with a detour at the Wilson Arch in Southern Utah and In N Out with our favorite Cade and Stacy in Northern Utah).


Travelogue Done.

The deal with my knee

When I stopped blogging in April/May, I was recovering from my knee surgery.  It's too bad I didn't document a little bit more as the months passed because it was kind of a major thing for me.  I'll have to try to sum up the major details, why it was hard and what I learned.  (I'll use some instagrams to help me out here...)

Major details:

I couldn't put any weight on it for 6 weeks.  So  I crutched EVERYWHERE and it was crazy trying to be a mom on crutches.  Crutching from the car to parent teacher conferences, band performances, track meets was awful.  Super awful was grocery shopping.  I totally used the driveable little carts and looked ridiculous but I couldn't wait for Ryan to do it.  He was full enough trying to pick up the rest of my slack.

I have a love/hate relationship with these objects. One one hand, I need them to get around.  On the other hand, I need them to get around.  #braceisheavy #crutcheareexhausting

Today's spring break activity: my 5 children push my wheelchair on our favorite trail to our lunch destination--Red Robin.  #nowheelchairshame #rolereversal

Prepping for my first post-op swim! #cardiofinally!

My handicart and I are a menace.  #theaislesaretiny #pricetagsandhangersareclingingtomycart

You know what this means? It means tomorrow I can start putting weight on my my left leg! #6weekspostsurgery #walkinghereIcome #ihatecrutches 

I was so happy to start Physical Therapy.  I am someone who likes to WORK on stuff when it's messed up and so starting exercises and stretches and therapy toward that end was huge for me mentally.  The day I could fully rotate my leg on a recumbant bike made me cry.

Look what I'm doing! #whenPTsaidyesIalmost cried!

There was almost no pain after the first two weeks.  The repair went super well and the pain meds seemed to work awesomely.  I was paranoid of dependancy (and wanted to get pregnant) so I only used one round of prescriptions.

The hugest problem was, and still is, my limp.  I am almost 9 months post surgery and I still limp.  It's gotten better...the first 6 months it caused major back pain.  I hardly notice it now, but others do and it makes me CRAZY.  No one can quite figure out why I limp.  It's either a straightening problem (probably the biggest cause in the beginning but probably not now) or a strength problem (Hip? quad? no one knows) or a mental thing (like, my brain has just gotten used to limping).  I kind of walked away from PT and doctors about 3 months ago because I'm hoping it will get better with time and the pregnancy doesn't help it and I'm just frustrated.  I can hike, bike, swim, run (I ran 3-4 miles a week August-November) but I walk like a gimp.  Grrrrr!

Just some picture from MY FIRST BIKE RIDE OUTSIDE #mayhavecryingatinybit #feelssogoodtobemovingmybodyNOTinagym

Why it has been hard:

• I don't like being perceived as weak.  I hate that anywhere I go, people can see something is wrong with me.
• I hate that I can't identify the problem (with the limp) and just work my hardest to fix it.
• I hated giving my already over-loaded husband so much of my job.  It made me feel pointless as a wife.
• Um, weight gain? Yeah.  Started the pregnancy 20 lbs overweight.  Not fun.
• I hate having to talk about my stupid leg ALL THE TIME.  I'm not bugged that people ask, I just don't have answers and have to say the same stupid phrases over and over.
• I hate not being the athlete I've always been.
• I hated having to modify what I could do with my family, especially in the beginning.
• Add that to morning sickness and other pregnancy ailments, starting in May, and it's been a rough year.

What I've learned/silver linings:

Ummmm....

Just kidding.  Kind of.

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the purpose is in this injury.  It's what I do.  I have a very fatalistic (things happen for a reason) way of looking at life.  It makes me to feel better about the hard things that life throws at you.  So, I've tried to look for what I'm supposed to be learning.  And it's not completely clear.

I've definitely learned a lot about service.  Those 6 weeks that I was non-weight bearing were humbling and sweet as I watched people give my kids rides everywhere, drop off dinner, babysit bored 4 year olds, stop by with flowers, leave plates of cookies, clean my kitchen.  This is what I learned:
1.  Doing something is all that matters.  It doesn't at all have to be the perfect thing (plates of cookies did nothing to speed recovery or help the housework get done--but it made me feel remembered and that is a service.)
2.  You have to just show up and start helping.  People who said "call me if you need me" were sweet but I never called them.  People who said "I'm bringing dinner one day this week.  Pick a day." or "I'm here and I'm cleaning your kitchen" were the ones who actually performed service for me.  It's been a huge revelation and hopefully has helped me improve.

These kids deserve thank you Notes for all the extra they've done around here the last six weeks. #luckymom #alsotakingthemonathankyoudate

I've tried to learn that my worth doesn't lie in my output or appearance.  Isn't coming easy, but I think that's why we have a long life, with lots of experiences...so Heavenly Father can teach us a small percentage at a time.

I've learned that sometimes I just have to endure.  I can't MAKE things change or happen a lot of the time.  I realized about 3 months ago that the reason the limp bothered me so much was because I, deep down, thought it was MY FAULT.  I thought if I'd used crutches longer, or did PT every day instead of every other day or didn't go to kick boxing, etc. that I wouldn't be limping.  Ryan laughed out loud when I told him that and said "what is it like in that head of yours?!"  I think this is a hard thing that just takes time to work through.


I knew I'd find a use for the 40 lbs of cranberries I accidentally ordered last November. #icepack

I learned a little bit more about compassion.  I can relate a teensy bit more to people with chronic illness, depression, physical malfunctions, surgeries than I did before.  I think there is great value in that.

So there's the summation.  I can't quite type "I'm glad I've had to go through it".  Wish I could.  I can type:  I'm glad my Heavenly Father knows me and trusts me to grow and change through trial.  I might still be limping along, but I'm getting stronger and better everyday...in my knee and in my heart.

Quick Quote

As I put Faith's blanket in the wash this morning: 

"Mom, I kinda don't like when my special smells like laundry. 

 I like it when it smells a little like syrup and normal."

The birthdays I missed (because I want some credit for these when they are all grown up!)

Journal post alert! I have to get these blanks filled in.  (If I can even remember what happened...)

May 23--Jane turns 10

Jane turned double digits, which always seems old.  She's such an easy, fun kid.  It wasn't her birthday party year (we do every other year because I'm not that nice of a mom) so we basically made it up to her with food.  Breakfast was omelettes and cinnamon puffs, lunch was a subway lunch delivered to the school (she told me she didn't want to go out to lunch with me...she wanted to eat with her friends.  Boo.) and homemade mac and cheese for dinner.  She'd been wanting Nike tennis shoes forever and I am too cheap to buy them but decided it would be a great birthday gift so we headed out after dinner and picked out some that she loves. 

This birthday is so boring, I can't believe I'm even taking the time to record it. For the record, I was in the worst part of my morning sickness and I STILL made all of this food.  (I want to take credit but feel like I should acknowledge that I noticed during this pregnancy that I had little miracles of feeling good whenever I had something like a birthday or a church event or something I HAD to do.  Tender Mercies.)  And now for a few pictures:

July 15-  My birthday

I've said it before and I'll say it again:  one of the perks of getting older is that you realized that it's up to you to voice how you want your birthday to go and then you don't have any unmet expectations.  Not a perk:  you really can't stomach meal after meal of good-but-bad-for-you food so you have a spinach smoothie for your birthday breakfast instead of cinnamon rolls and bacon.  Too bad.

I asked for:  Birthday meal and celebration on Sunday (the day before my birthday) and a long lunch at the lake with a borrowed jet ski (on my birthday). Ryan (big surprise) totally came through.  He put together a fun family party with traditional birthday (kid) games like pin the tail on the donkey and we laughed and laughed.  I made my dream dessert (Fudgy toffee cookie bars.  Link here.) and enjoyed every bite.  On my birthday, we borrowed a friends jet ski and took turns as a family enjoying the perfect weather and beautiful lake.  

Then, in kind of a last minute decision, I loaded all of the kids in the car and drove to Canada.  We'd never been, some of my besties were all meeting up, and even though Ryan couldn't come, I couldn't resist.  Honestly, driving to a new place, through TRULY some of the most beautiful country I've ever seen, with an audio book in my ears and big kids in the back--my kind of birthday present.

Pictures:

August 25--Gabe turned 13

Also a milestone...how am I a mom of two teenagers??  Gabe is such a good boy...pretty circumspect with his feelings, but such a goal-setter and always trying to improve.  He has a real desire to do what's right.  

His birthday fell on a Sunday, which around these parts means no restaurants or paid-for activities, but we managed to make it fun.  Gabe is my total foodie--takes food seriously, like everything but is VERY particular about how it's prepared.  He thinks about his birthday food for a long time.  And now I can't even remember what it was (from the pictures I can only see asparagus and jello.  Dang it!)   Oh wait,I remember he asked for appetizers for lunch... that was fun...  The best part of the whole day, I think, was that Tate (his best friend who'd been gone the whole summer) got home that day and surprised him by showing up for cheesecake and toppings.  

August 28--Seth turns 8

Look at all of these major birthdays we had.  That cute Seth is 8 (how??) and we had a fun birthday.  Friend party was a jungle theme (after switching about 14 times) and we had a cool snake cake and  jungle themed games (pin the tail on the lion, find the elephant's peanuts, jungle charades).  He has lots of friends that are girls so we always do co-ed when we do something social for Seth.  For his baptism birthday, we got scriptures, and church clothes and journals and other church related stuff, but he was so excited about it anyway.  Sweet baptism day to be chronicled later.

I should do Faith's next but I haven't uploaded her pictures and that step is just too much for me right now.  Soon.  

**From the outset, I need to remind readers that a core belief of mine is that God is real, He loves us, knows us and will speak to us and give us guidance in our lives if we ask Him and strive to be worthy to hear and follow His counsel.  This how I've tried to live my life and it has always brought me innumerable blessings.  It is from an understanding of this belief system that one should read this post.**

I've felt pretty done with the whole baby producing process since Faith was around 3.  I was sad she was growing older, but I felt very full with the 5 kids I had and definitely had no desire to go through pregnancy, newborn, nursing, etc. again.  I prayed and fasted about it and felt that the direction I received was "you can if you want" when I asked the question about having more kids.  Well, I didn't really want, so I closed that door in my mind.

In November as I was preparing a visiting teaching message, I felt very prompted to share the message "Where is Thy Pavillion?" by Henry B Eyring.  I wondered which of the 3 sisters I visit needed this message on removing blocks that we place between ourselves and Heavenly Father's will and guidance in our lives, because it was very strong that this was the lesson I was to prepare and give 3 times.

The next Sunday I was fasting about something unrelated to parenting or family or ANYTHING, but I felt like I needed a priesthood blessing from Ryan.  He gave me a reassuring blessing that slightly related to my concern, but at the end, he paused.  And paused.  And paused.  I began to get worried.  "What is so big that he can't just spit it out??"  It was this: "Heavenly Father blesses you to know that your family is not complete."

The words were electric.  I have great faith in Ryan's worthiness and ability to convey God's blessings and will through the priesthood and in the moment, I knew the words were true, that we were having another baby and that my life was taking a very different timeline than the one I'd been planning out.

He had to leave for a meeting pretty immediately afterward and I began to pray personally to my Father in Heaven.  Without going into great detail, that prayer was one of the most intimate and real conversations I've ever had with God.  I felt as if I would ask a question (along the lines of "seriously?" and "Why?" and "do you know how overwhelmed I am with this family already?") and He would answer.  And do you know where the majority of answers were coming from?  From the lesson/talk I'd given while visiting teaching.  Each question would bring to mind a phrase or a story or a scripture from that talk and I knew why I had been so urged to prep that lesson.

Ryan later told me that he had been feeling a strong urge to have another baby during the week previous, but was nervous to bring it up.  He swears that he had forgotten it that Sunday when I asked for the blessing (and I believe him) and so when the words came to his mind he was surprised.  He said the pause was his attempt to clear his mind, and be sure because he knew how huge it would be.  It kept coming back and back.

There have been other sweet confirmations throughout the following months...in the temple, through prayer, from friends, from blessings.  I know we are supposed to have this 6th child.  I know that our family's life will be infinitely better because of it.  I am grateful that Heavenly Father is willing to help me know these things.

That said:  it has not been easy.  I have had a hard time getting excited about this change.  I was frustrated by the whole busted knee issue because it delayed things by 4 months and has made the pregnancy harder.  I've had many tearful episodes where I try to figure out how I can possibly handle a newborn, a preschooler, 2 elementary school students, a middle schooler and a high schooler.  I've struggled with depression, really bad nausea, body image issues, sleeplessness, stress.

I am finally getting anxious for this boy to come--the blessing of your third trimester is that anything sounds better than being pregnant!  And I want to know him and why it was so important he join this family.  I want to watch my teenagers love him.  I want to watch Faith be a big sister.  I want to feel that heavenly spirit that a newborn brings.  I am happy to have many more years of trick or treating and Santa and a sweet little voice following me around during my days.



I am blessed.

Quick Quote

Seth (during a family prayer):  

Please bless we don't destroy our new living room...

like we always used to."

Trying to make a comeback

Look at me!! I'm on my blog! I kept having it on my list and passing it by because I'm so far behind that it stresses me out. So I'm just making myself sit down and type a few sentences to get over the hurdle. I wish I could just let it go, but I'm not a journaler and don't really have any other way (other than Instagram--thank heavens for that) of keeping a record of this sweet, busy, hard, important time in our lives. Every time I see my blog books I feel sick inside at the idea that I won't have any more. So...here I go.

 I'm going to try for some catch up posts over the next few weeks that will include:
 why I'm pregnant with #6
 why this stupid knee surgery has been such a hard recovery physically and emotionally
Seth's baptism
 birthdays
trips to Utah, Canada, Texas, New Mexico, Seattle
 where my kids are at in their lives right now (maybe the most important...I don't want to forget)

 I'm sure none of that sounds exciting, but I don't think anyone is even reading this anymore, so it's just for me, anyway. So I'm majorly patting myself on the back for just writing something down today!

 And for the sake of journaling I'll just do this little exercise:

 Right now...
 Ryan is at work, which is loves and keeps him very busy. He's probably thinking about what small business venture he can take on when he completes his MBA IN FOUR WEEKS!
 I just threw up my breakfast smoothies (9 months of pregnancy nausea!! NEVER happened in any previous pregnancy!! Super awesome!!)
 Emma is at high school, which she loves but is still trying to figure out how hard she has to study to attain the goals she's set for herself.
 Gabe is in 8th grade. Who knows what class. Do some moms know their kids schedules? I didn't even see him this morning because it was his early jazz band day.
Jane is in her 5th grade class. She's probably chatting with her friend Maci. But not if Mr Rachoy is wanting quiet. She's way too big of a rule follower for that.
 Seth is surely talking regardless of what his teacher is doing. Luckily, she had him last year and gets him and LOVES him and so she's probably handling it awesomely. Which is not something I can claim for myself. I don't handle him awesomely.
 Faith is playing on the Starfall app on my phone while I type this. She's wearing her silver Sunday shoes which makes her very happy. We are heading out for some errands at the mall and I think running errands with a 5 year old Faith is one of my top 3 favorite activities right now. Yay for missing the kindergarten cut off date!